How to bounce back from negative relationships
Synopsis of Bible Study March 9, 2016
Delivered by Bishop Walker III
Everyone has experienced the impact of a negative relationship. Whether it be on the job or maybe with your significant other, you know impact of a relationship being negative.
Negative relationships can have a negative impact on us. Ex-There is a commercial that depicts a car salesman trying to close a deal on a car. As a result, the customer asks the salesman to show them the Carfax report. This is more important than you may think. The Carfax report lets us know of potential problems that could occur as a result of something that may have happened to the vehicle before you tried to purchase it. The car could have been in a wreck, flooded, or been exposed to other damage. In like manner, wouldn’t it be nice if we could check our relationship-Carfax report? Before you close the deal or make an emotional investment, know that you are about to enter a relationship (making an investment) with someone who has had a past. Just like the Carfax report, you might find out that there may have been drivers before you that wrecked the relationship and left significant damage. As a result, it could have been cosmetically covered up, but underneath, there is still significant damage. Wouldn’t it have been good to have a relationship-Carfax report on some of your relationships you got involved with before? Just like the information found on the carfax report, you could have made a more informed decision about connecting, before you got into the relationship. Lots of our pain has come, because we didn’t know all about the person we were about to unit.
How do we bounce back?
Romans 8:28 (NKJV) says 28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
- We have to learn how to live forward. You can’t move forward until you can let go of the past. The key to bouncing back is to deal with the pain you experience. You can’t conqueror what you will not confront!
- You have been hurt, but at some point you’ve got to examine what is it in you that created patterns that landed you into these situations. There is nothing wrong with forming an analysis of failed relationships. You got to come to a place where you avoid key failures.
- How can we gather lessons from what happened to avoid cycles? Proverbs 4:7 (NKJV) says 7 Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding. – Wisdom comes from experience and divine revelation.
- James 1:5 (NKJV) says 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. – You can have all the data you want, but wisdom lets you know if it is good for you. Things often look good on paper, but it is different in reality. Lots of people look good, but may not necessarily be good for you. Just because it is a good thing doesn’t mean it’s a God thing. You have to use wisdom.
Must have proper placement of past
- You got to put the past behind you. If the person, place, or thing didn’t survive your shift from then to now, then you know that they don’t belong with you in this season. You got to learn to leave them in the season that the relationship ended. You shift, going from glory to glory, because of who you are in God. People designed to be with you will survive your shift! Ex- Look at life as levels compared to a scale from 0-10. What if you and the person you are with start out headed in the same direction? You experience level 1, 2, and even 3 together, but then after you leave level 4, they remain there while you progress on to level 5. What if you make it all the way to level 9 while the one you are in relationship with remains at level 4? At this point, you got a choice to make: You either got to accommodate a level 4 or pursue a level 10.
- Some people will only ever be 4s and they are cool with this. They don’t want to see any more than they have already seen, they don’t want to get any more education, they don’t want to move from their parents’ home, and or anything else. They are satisfied where they are. Some people are just going to be level 4s no matter what. When you are a level 7 that is dealing with a level 4, you can’t dummy down to the level 4’s or you will miss your level 10 opportunity.
- When it comes to matters on the job, a level 7 will not follow the leadership of a level 4. Putting the two together is just going to cause problems. It is difficult to make a person go where they don’t want to be or come down to a level that they have already surpassed. You can’t make a cat into a dog, or a chicken into a eagle, or a trick into a treat!
- Leave them in that season and be ok with it. If you are not carful you will let level 4s make you feel guilty for going after your level 10. Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NKJV) says 3 To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:- Know that there is a season for everything. Maybe your season is up for this level 4 you are with.
Things that will help you get over your past
- Admit that it is over and move on.
- Don’t be afraid to deal with broken emotions. Talk to somebody, get your cry out, or get therapy if need be.
- Identify what brings joy and do more of it.
- Embrace the positive and get rid of the negative.
- Recognize that your future is bigger than a failed relationship. Some people think there is not life after relationship. Know that your future is so much bigger than that.
- Learn to wait patiently on new relationships. Stop being so thirsty! Don’t go from one relationship to the next.
- Rebound relationships often end as failed relationships. Psalm 27:14 (NKJV) 14 Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!
- Acknowledge the pain of what you’ve experienced. Ignoring your pain has negative side effects. A Harvard study found that those who bottle up their pain are 140% more prone to have heart disease and 130% more likely to have cancer. Hearing the results of these studies tells us that we need to start talking. God wants to see you us free from the pain of our past. Isaiah 61:1-3 (NKJV) says 61 “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, Because the Lord has anointed Me To preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound; 2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, 3 To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” – If you give God this, he’ll give you that. You got to come to a place where you say, “Lord I resign and give to your will”.
- Learn lessons from what you’ve gone through. Philippians 4:11(NKJV) says 11 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: – I learned that whatever life threw at me, it is well with my soul. You don’t just wake up with this attitude, you learn have to learn this.
- Philippians 4:12 (NKJV) 12 I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. – Everybody reading this, needs, varying experiences. Everybody needs a variety of situations. If you’ve never known what it’s like to wonder where the next meal was going to come from or if the next check was coming in, then you will be the one that jumps off the bridge, if the bottom falls out in your life. Ex – We thank God for Panera bread, but we also thank God for the bologna-cheese crackers and Kool-Aid experience. We need to know what it is like to fill a car up when all is well, but we also need to know what it is like to fill car up, just before the car quits running. Next time you are in a downswing, you ought to look at it like you are just in training.
- 2 Timothy 3:14 (NKJV) 14 But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, – Continue in this stuff. Stay in your lessons.
- Philippians 4:9 (NKJV) 9 The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you. – Learn from your experiences, then you gain peace for your life. Ex- You have to think like this: “This isn’t the first time your lights been cut off “ or “This ain’t the first time that the tuition was do and I didn’t have the money”. You simply have the peace to know that God will make everything all right.
Dealing with your past can delay with present
- Don’t let this situation define your situation. Psalm 139:14 (NKJV) says 14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[a] Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. – Some people were so fun, but then the one day, the air got knocked of them and they became what happened to them. Don’t allow this happen to you.
- Romans 8:37 (NKJV) 37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. – Deal with your right now.
- Proverbs 4:25 (NKJV) 25 Let your eyes look straight ahead, And your eyelids look right before you.- Take your past off the on demand feature in your mind. Don’t allow past relationships to have room to play in your life.
- Some things you got to delete. Some stuff you got to empty out of your spirit. Philippians 3:13 (NKJV) says 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, – It doesn’t mean you have to have amnesias about what happen, but you simply don’t allow it to influence your current situation.
Pursuit of promise
- You have to throw out the stuff in your past. Openly receive what God has for your life. Hebrews 12:1(NKJV) says 12 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us -You can’t run to your destiny with leg weights (problems of your past) on.
- You were made to be resilient – The drama that led to our demise, may have caught us by surprise, but it didn’t surprise God. Psalm 121:1 (NKJV) says 1 I will lift up my eyes to the hills—From whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.- Look to the hills where your help comes from. This causes you to be in a posture of looking up and expecting.
- Resilience is knowing that our greatest setback was a setup for our comeback. If you take a ball and bounce it, the force you bounce the ball with is the same force at which the ball comes back. If you don’t want to deal with the setback, don’t ask for the comeback.
- There is always a desired attempt of the enemy when he attacks you. He has in his plan a desired reaction, before he does the assault. He doesn’t want what he is attacking. He wants the reaction from you. For example, Satan doesn’t want your money; he wants your reaction to not having any. Satan doesn’t want your job; Instead, he wants your depression from not having one. He doesn’t want your marriage, he wants your children. He wants your reaction to what has happened. Biblically, God said have you considered my servant job, and the devil says if you remove the hedge, and let me act, I guarantee you that he will react in a negative way. God allowed it, because he knew something about Job that he knows about you. He knows at the greatest attack, you will show up just like you did, before. 2 Corinthians 4:8-10 (NKJV) 8 We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— 10 always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. We are not going to give the devil this victory. Know that whatever Satan throws at us, we will throw back at him! If the devil throws worry, we will throw our praise!