Relationship Clinic VI
How do you know where people fit into your life?
Synopsis of Bible study 03/25/15
Delivered by Bishop Walker III
If you have a spirit like an amputee, you just cut things off. The problem is, if you have this spirit, you may be moving too soon. You need to find out where people fit in.
Pro 13:20 says 20 He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed. – You must stay away from foolish people. Having the right people in your life is a vital part of your success. Where people fit is very important. Remember that it is not an issue with them; it is an issue with where they fit in. People in your life will either take you up or take you down.
Got to be willing to find the right people in your life
- Childhood friends might be alright to be in friendship with, but you might have to finder a better place for your childhood friend to fit. You have to be wise about placing friends; they might not fit where you going.
- Your new season will require new relationships. You got to come out of your comfort zone and know where people fit.
- People that fit in have common goals, similar values, and they celebrate your success. They won’t privately hate on you.
- You don’t need people who stifle you. We need people in our lives that will stretch us. Writer Henry Miller quotes, “… No one creates alone, of and by himself… “- If the persons in your life don’t motivate you or encourage you, then they probably shouldn’t be part of your starting lineup, after all, we are trying win. Simply put, winners want winners.
- Having said this, based on Forbes magazine, there are 6 people you need in your life in order to be successful. We are not meant to be by ourselves. As we name the 6 people you need in your life, write down a person that fits each of these 6 categories. They are:
- Instigator– This is someone who pushes you or makes you think. They energize you. They are always motivated by vision and they are the voice of inspiration.
- Cheerleader – They are a huge fan or strong supporter. They are the voice of mediation. They support and believe in you and will never let you down. Cheerleaders make you stay and work, whereas instigators make you get out of bed to go to work.
- Doubter – This is the person that plays the devil’s advocate. This is the person that wants you to be safe and successful. Ex– You buy a SUV and they call to your attention the increase in the cost of gas. They want you to think about every aspect of your actions. The doubter brings realism into your optimism.
- Task master– This person is the loud voice that makes you get things done. They are a steward of momentum. They make you get things done. They refer to this person as the worker bee type.
- Connector – The person that has no allies. They break through roadblocks. They can reach people in places where you cannot. They connect you to the right resources. They know how to navigate the room and tell you where everything you need is.
- Example – This person is like the mentor. This is the person who is a guiding entity. Their presence reminds you that amazing things can happen.
How do you identify the right people?
- Matt 12:46-50 says 46 While He was still talking to the multitudes, behold, His mother and brothers stood outside, seeking to speak with Him. 47 Then one said to Him, “Look, Your mother and Your brothers are standing outside, seeking to speak with You.”48 But He answered and said to the one who told Him, ” Who is My mother and who are My brothers?” 49 And He stretched out His hand toward His disciples and said, ” Here are My mother and My brothers! 50 For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother.” – What Jesus is showing us here is that everyone who makes claim of relationship with you, is not connected to you. The titles of kinship (uncle, aunt, brother, sister and etc…), are not always an indicator that they are connected to you. People may have family titles, but don’t work in the function of that title as they should. You may have a lot of kin folk, but only some family members that operate in their family titles.
- When you are connected to a visionary leader, you enter to an intimate place like a family member. In this relationship you:
- Assess your relationship needs
- You have a right to state your relationship needs without feeling guilty. – You got to assess what you expect out of the relationship or others will place expectations on you that you don’t want. You have to be honest about what you need and what you want out of your relationship. – Ex-“All I want to do is be you friend”. A simple statement like this can mean something totally different to someone else. You have to make your needs in the relationship known or the other person will have expectations for things that you never intended to deliver. As a result, you will be frustrated and drained from this friendship all the time. You have to be willing to:
- Label your expectations. There 3 things you should expect from people in a friendship. (Write down relationships that remind you of these things).
- Do you have time to invest in this type of relationship? Relationships take investments (of your time, attention, and etc…). You can’t pour into a relationship and the other person not. Ex- You can talk to some people and it is so easy, yet there are others that are needy and it drives you nuts! They drain you. Ask yourself do you have the time to give what this person needs from you? Maybe you need to reassess how you align this type of person in your life, because you don’t want to keep letting them down.
- There is a season a person should be in your life. Ecc 3:1 says 1 To everything there is a season, – There is a time for every purpose under heaven. Have you ever met someone that you wish you would have met at a different time in your life?
- You got to know where people fit. John 15:15 says 15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.- People shift in certain areas of your life. When they shift down, it’s more difficult than when they shift up. Shift happens! However; some people can’t handle this.
- Are you willing to have that tough conversation with your friend, so that you are all on the same page? You can’t just cut them off. This would not be Christian like. You have to talk to them about it.
- Different levels of friends:
- Conditional friends
- Lifelong friends
Understand the difference of the different type of people in your life.
Pro12:26 says 26 The righteous should choose his friends carefully, For the way of the wicked leads them astray. (List the people that match these friend types below).
Different types of friends
- Wannabee – They act like they have been in your life all the time, but haven’t. They are often delusional about their connection with you. They will violate boundaries.
- Used-to-be – This is a childhood friend or boyfriend or girlfriend. They were connected to you back then, but don’t know who you are now. Your whole memory of them is bad press. They are fuelled by the pain of not being with you.
- Could-never-be – they don’t fit anywhere. 1 cor 15:33 says 33 Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.”- Your family are even alarmed by them.
- Should-be – This is the person that makes you say, “Wow; I should have met them before!” They are in your network and influence now. The timing is right. You go to the function and you feel like you should already know them.
- Have-to-be – Eleanor Roosevelt quotes “Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart …” – They are connected to your purpose. Pro 18:24 says 24 A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. – They may not have the title, but they sho-nuff have the function. They will be so close to you, they blow your mind, because this is spiritual.
Healthy relationships are important, because they are important to God. How can you say you love God whom you have not seen, and hate the person that you see every day? Put the people where they belong in your life. Don’t let your past people mess up your life by defining what God is about to do in this season!