Relationship Clinic II
“How do you know when it’s time to go or let go?”
Bible Study synopsis 02/11/15
Delivered by Bishop Walker
God’s desire is for us to be in a healthy relationship
- We should all be in a value added relationship. This includes every area of our lives; job relationships, personal relationships, and etc… Isa 43:18-19 18 “Do not remember the former things,Nor consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert. -The prophet is speaking to people that have experienced They have wounds, but Isaiah speaks to the next area of their lives. God had great plans for their lives.
- Many relationships are built to last. They are rooted in love, grounded in faith, and grow by grace. Some relationships don’t have this same foundation. They are doomed to fail from the very beginning. You can tell when a relationship is not built on the right foundation Matt 7:24-27– 24 ” Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: 25 and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. 26 ” But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand:27 and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall.-
- An example of this would be, somebody entered into relationship and God was at the center of this relationship. They did everything according to God’s will and his way. The inevitable trials came, but that relationship survived, because their relationship was built and based on the word (which is the rock).
- Another example would be, there was a relationship built and the members of that relationship never came to church, never read the word, and never allowed God to be at the center of their relationship. Challenges came; one lost their job, family members got into their relationship, they had medical situations, and etc… As a result of all this, the lovely relationship fell because it wasn’t built on the rock.
- Got to make sure your relationship is built on the rock. Recognize when it is time to let it go.
Recognize the season
Ecc 3:1 1 To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:
How do you know when it is time for your relationship to change?
- Don’t ignore signs of major change. Acknowledge it, admit it, and address it.
- No matter what, you know when you relationship is changing.
- Acknowledge it – John 7:24 says 24 Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.”– Don’t fail to apply righteous judgment to your situation. You can sense this.
- Admit it –1 Thess 5:21 says 21 Test all things; hold fast what is good.- Test everything. Admit that something isn’t right.
- No matter what, you know when you relationship is changing.
- Address it– Either you are working through it or you are walking away, because staying in it is not healthy.
- Understand reason for change – Pro 4:7 Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. – Ask the Lord to give you the reason for why this thing is changing. Ex-Maybe you work too much and you thought the problem was you needed to be home more. You tried it but things are still not working. Now you are troubled about why things changed so much. If you go to God, he can show you why things have changed.
- Be truthful about your unmet desires and needs – John 8:32 says 32 And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”– Be honest about your needs. If you are married, you have a right to have your needs met. Even when it comes to your job; you have a right to have your needs met. If you are the desire of my heart, then my needs should be met through you.
- Make yourself a priority – Don’t be so worried about everyone else that you forget about yourself. 3 John 1:2 says 2 Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.– God wants you to prosper, because if you prosper, you can help somebody. If you don’t have anything, you can’t help anyone else. If you are hurt, you can’t help heal someone else.
- Stay positive and don’t allow negative situations make you negative – Pro 17:22 says 22 A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones.- Don’t let somebody else’s emotional environment control your day. Don’t give somebody that much power. Nobody should be able to control how you feel today.
- Get around support. Don’t isolate yourself from family and friends. – Pro 15:22 says 22 Without counsel, plans go awry, But in the multitude of counselors they are established. – There is safety in counsel. Get around people that have healthy situations and let them speak into your life. Don’t pick people that have jacked up situations themselves.
- Stay healthy. Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally 1 Cor 6:19 19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? – You end up letting yourself go when you break up. Instead, why not get fit and make them regret leaving you.
- Take time, recognize that letting go is a process. You can’t just let a relationship go. You have to realize that getting over a break up is a process. It takes some time to get over it. Just be sure that you realize that it is a process and that you are committed to working through that process.
Remember the main goal of relationship
- Reevaluate the relationship – Don’t connect to people to just kick it. We should be with each other, because we bring value to each other. If continued goals are unmet, we must reevaluate the relationship. Ask:
- Where are we going? Amos 3:3 says 3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? – A person can be going in same direction as you, but just be walking a little behind you. Just because they are walking a little behind you, doesn’t mean they aren’t walking with you. They may still be going in your direction. Having said this, don’t be in a relationship where a person is trying to redirect you from the direction that God gave you. We must be in agreement. If you pull over, they need to pull over too, because you are walking together. Why get in agreement with expectation and have to roll the window down to look for the other person?
- Have you outgrown each other – Do we have the same growth or is our growth problematic? Gen 13:5-7 5 Lot also, who went with Abram, had flocks and herds and tents. 6 Now the land was not able to support them, that they might dwell together, for their possessions were so great that they could not dwell together. 7 And there was strife between the herdsmen of Abram’s livestock and the herdsmen of Lot’s livestock. The Canaanites and the Perizzites then dwelt in the land.– There was strife, because they had outgrown the space. It is ok to look at a space and notice that you have outgrown this. You can go in on a job one day and just realize that you have outgrown it. Ex-In the relationship, you are dreaming and having vision and the other person is talking about kicking it. At this point, the two are in two different places. Sometimes we will sacrifice spiritual growth just for the sake of staying in the relationship, when really we have outgrown it.
- Reassess and release – People with real love for you will let you go.-It’s ok to say you’ve outgrown each other. Sometimes if you don’t let things go, God will create a situation for you to let it go.
- Resist holding on too long- Know when to walk away. James 1:5 says 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. – Ask God when it is time to walk away. Failure to walk away can cause death and destruction. Gen 19:26 says 26 But his wife looked back behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.- She was on her way out, but she looked back and turned into a pillar of salt. Ex- God got you out of your situation that was jacked up, but you took one look back, and got children out of the situation, or you got abused in the situation, or you got that big debt out of the situation. When God gets you out, be out!
- Resist the temptation of the makeup break up game. – Steve Maraboli quotes ‘Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.’– Learn to live forward. Learn to look towards your future, and not your past- Luke 9:62 says 62 But Jesus said to him, ” No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.”– Some people don’t know when they are off or on in the relationship. You deserve people that don’t want a “one day we on, one day were off” relationship. When somebody looks at you and say they don’t want to be with you any more, why would you ask why? You are a royal priesthood and a chosen generation! Phil 3:13 says 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead- You ought to be glad to let someone go that feels that they don’t want to be with you. Your response to them ought to be, “You leaving this?”
Restoration, reposition, Rest
- Restore – When you have been wounded, you have to have an opportunity to heal. Don’t rush right back into another relationship. Society makes people feel guilty being by themselves. Regardless to how a relationship ended, you need to give yourself time to Ex– Bishop Walker shares that his first wife Diane passed in 2005 and it took 2 yrs for him to work on himself. One reason he took the 2 yrs, was because he didn’t want Stephanie (his present wife) to have to marry Diane’s husband. Ex2- Marquis hurt you, but Bubba got to pay for what Marquis did. Don’t be afraid to spend time by yourself to get yoursself straight, before entering into another relationship. You would be amazed at what you can do by yourself. You got to ask the Lord to give you the capacity to heal. If it is still tender to the touch, then you are not ready.
- There is dating, courting, and marriage.
- Dating is exploratory, without destination.
- Courting is focused and aimed at something. When I court you, I am committed, because I see you in my future. When you date, you got to learn that if you acknowledge that dating is exploratory, then it is ok to date people at fence. This means, you don’t let them into your yard. When you allow them in your yard, this is courting.
- A person shouldn’t get into your house, until you are married! When you let people into your house while dating, and when you break up, they are giving people virtual tours about the property metaphorically speaking.
- Reposition – Don’t retreat from the world when the relationship changes. Go back to school work on you during that alone time. This is a time for you to establish your own credit, buy your own house, or get your own degree.
If anything, this relationship ought to have taught you to:
- Reset-recalibrate. David went through pain with his relationship with Saul.
- Psa 138:1-2 says 1 I will praise You with my whole heart; Before the gods I will sing praises to You. 2 I will worship toward Your holy temple, And praise Your name For Your loving kindness and Your truth; For You have magnified Your word above all Your name. – The moment some of you breakup, you stop coming to church. David said, “You have always been my truth”. God’s word creates something when there is nothing. God put you in a place where you could get the word, that word creates, and then you realize you have what you haven’t had before.
- 3 In the day when I cried out, You answered me, And made me bold with strength in my soul. – I was about to be sorry, but God says, “Pull yourself together!” God refuses to let you be a victim because of what happened to you.
- 4 All the kings of the earth shall praise You, O Lord, When they hear the words of Your mouth. – God don’t handle arrogant people. God says if you walk in trouble, he will restore you. He will take care of your enemies for you.
- 5 Yes, they shall sing of the ways of the Lord, For great is the glory of the Lord. – God will perfect that which concerns me. He will make good on what was put in me. Even though we live through the night mare, he still protects your dream. He will allow your dream to manifest. Say to yourself, “The rest of me will be the best of me”.
The Lord will prefect that which concerns you. Are you, going to hold on to dysfunctional relationships and allow them to infect you, or will you have the courage to walk away and allow God to perfect you? You will either leave this reading infected or perfected! You have to want God’s will for your life!