How do you know?
Bible Study Synopsis 02/04/15
Delivered by Bishop Walker III
How do you know if you are with the right person? Gen 2:18 says 18 And the Lord God said, ” It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” – God thought so much about relationship; he thought about two people compatibility and put them together.
God made sure that two (Adam and Eve) could fit together, unlike us. When it doesn’t fit, we try to make it fit.
How do we know if we fit together?
- You got to stay away from crazy people.
- Stay away from possessive and controlling people.
- Stay away from stalkers or people that are mean.
- Stay away from those that exhibit compulsive behavior.
- Stay away from people that refuse to have a relationship with God.
How do you know that you are with the right one?
- They are willing to be transparent with you.
- They respect the people that are close to you.
- They inspire you – You feel like being the best “you” when you are around them.
- They take care of their body – If you don’t love you, how then will you me?
- They will make time for you – When they are busy; they try to carve out time to reserve just for you.
- They are drama free.
- They don’t cause you to lose yourself. – Don’t lose me in we! They will value “the you” in you. You don’t have to give up who you are to be with them.
- They don’t fear commitment – You can depend on them.
- They don’t hide the real them.
- They don’t damage property – You are not going to have to buy new furniture every time they get mad at you.
- They don’t hide significant information – They are upfront and honest.
- They avoid bringing family and friends into relationship problems.
- They don’t have a Plan B in case you don’t work out.
What does scripture say about finding the right woman?
- Prov 18:22 says 22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.- Women are often on a treasure hunt. A woman worth her value is one who knows how to hide. Women are not supposed to be trying to find a man; the man is supposed to find the woman.
- Prov 31:11 says 11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain.
- Eph 5:25 says 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,-Men should love their woman like Christ loves the church.
- Love without fear – 1 John 4:18 says 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. – Any relationship that is fear based, it unhealthy.
- Unconditional love – 1 Peter 4:8 says 8 And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.”– If I love them unconditional, I learn to love them, no matter what I know about them. The past is the past!
This is why relationships are jacked up. Everyone woman was designed to be covered. She started as a rib inside of Adam. At this point, Adam’s flesh covered Eve. Every father has a responsibility to cover his daughter. Everything a daughter learns about relationship should come from her Dad. Her Dad should be the model that she uses to judge relationship.
When she goes to get married, she is walked down the aisle by her Dad. The preacher says, “Who gives who will give the bride to be married?” The Dad and the Mom say, “We do”. At this point, the daughter goes from one covering to another (In other words, she leaves her father’s covering and goes to her husband’s covering”. Therefore, women are designed to be covered).
What happens usually happens is the devil attacks a daughter’s father and pulls her father out of her life. The devil attacks the future groom by taking his father out of his life as well. With the father out of the daughter’s life, she loses her covering. As a result, she marries her husband, who is uncovered (because of his dad out of his life). She calls the groom her daddy and her baby daddy. The groom only has dysfunction, because he doesn’t know how to be a husband. Now they live together, but argue all the time. They act more like brother and sister, instead of husband and wife.
Since the Daddy is never home, the Momma has to stand in the gap and take on a role (as the father). This is a role she wasn’t ever supposed to take on. She no longer is able to be the nurturing mother she is supposed to be. The daughter sees her Mom act like a father and as a result, she doesn’t trust men. This results in a relationship that starts out in disfunction.
This ought to show you that the devil is trying to take the man out of the equation called relationship, just to mess up your sons and daughters.
How do we make the right decision?
- Make decisions out of intellect not impulse. Don’t connect with people based simply on how you feel.
- Making decisions out of what you know verses how you feel. For example, you can go to doctor, allow the doctor to run test, and listen to him say that you are sick. As a result he may tell you to take a particular medicine for 3 months. You can choose not to take it on the basis that you don’t feel sick, however, you have to know that just, because you feel good, it doesn’t mean you aren’t sick. You can’t measure fact based on just how you feel.
- The devil gets into your emotional portal, to make you feel in a way that causes you to make decisions out of carnality. The devil wants to make you stop thinking. The devil says to himself, “If I give them enough weed, or enough martinis, or allow them to get touched in right spot on the right day, then you will stop thinking. There are things that get into your emotions or flesh that can cause you to stop thinking.
- Ex– You can fornicate with somebody that’s trifling and it can feel good at the moment, but after it’s over, they will still be trifling. You can be with someone who is broke, but at the end of the day, they will still be broke.
- Ex 2– There are people that caught their mate in the very act of cheating. They allowed that person an opportunity to talk and the next thing you know, they were taken back. What happened was they got into their mate’s emotions. Think through your intellect, not your emotions.
- You need objective people around you when you are in your emotions. You need people in you that will keep you accountable for your actions.
- Timing is important. 1 cor 13:4 says 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; – Give love time to evolve. Test before you invest.
2 ways love connects
- Becoming Mrs. Boaz, Ruth put herself into position, but she didn’t say anything to him. Ruth wanted Boaz to know two things.
- She wanted him to know that she don’t mind working. Any godly man won’t be intimidated by our working woman and her success.
- She made herself beautiful when she went. Remember that men are visual creatures.
- Adam had to be a real man. He had:
- A personal relationship with God. Don’t get into relationship with someone that doesn’t have a relationship with God. If they don’t love God, they can’t love you.
- A real job. Don’t get into relationship with someone that doesn’t have or job or who is unemployed and not trying to find a job. A real man ought to work.
- The ability to see her interior rather than be limited to her exterior. Adam said that Eve was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. He saw her for what was inside her, before he noticed her outer beauty.
You have to ask yourself if the person you are with is able to walk into your destiny with you. Psa 37:23 says 23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, And He delights in his way.
7 requirements a person should have to be with you
- Spiritual Compatibility – You need to ask yourself if the person has the same values as you, do they go to church, do they pray, or do they know scripture. Would you feel comfortable taking this person with you in spiritual setting?
- Intellectual Compatibility – Do we have something to talk about? Can I take you somewhere and not feel embarrassed? Are you well read?
- Financial Compatibility – Are you really thinking about your future? Are you talking about purchasing rims, while I’m talking about purchasing real-estate?
- Social Compatibility – How is this person socially? If a person doesn’t like being around people and you love being round people, you will be by yourself all the time.
- Physical Compatibility – A person who takes care of themselves while you are dating, will tell you the complete story. What you eat in your 20s, 30s, & 40s, will be the cause of what has to be taken care of in your 50s, 60s, and 70s. If you unite with a person that looks good, but doesn’t take care of themselves in their early 20s and 30s, then you have just signed up to be their caretakers in their late 60s and 70s. You won’t be able to invest or vacation or anything, because of your healthcare experiences.
- In addition, you have the right to like what you like. Either you like hamburgers or you don’t. You have the right to like what you like. You have eyes for a reason. There is a reason why Jacob didn’t want to be with Leah. Having said that, you can’t want Halle Berry when you are in the class with Charlie Brown.
- Vision Compatibility – You inspire me to do better. Try to unite with people that inspire you to be the best you.
- Emotional Compatibility – One of the things that can be devastating to a woman is if she feels she can’t feel you in the relationship. The worse thing that can happen in a relationship is if a woman is going through something and the man can’t sense it. It helps when you can connect the dots and sense when your mate is going through something.
Songs of Solomon 2:3-6– The Shulamite
3 Like an apple tree among the trees of the woods, So is my beloved among the sons. I sat down in his shade with great delight, And his fruit was sweet to my taste. –
What is being said is the woman was under his shade. You have to go back to 1:6 to really understand this. Songs of Solomon 1:6 says “6 Do not look upon me, because I am dark, Because the sun has tanned me. My mother’s sons were angry with me; They made me the keeper of the vineyards, But my own vineyard I have not kept.” She says she is under the shade, but she tells that she has been exposed to elements, because she has been uncovered. She has been a blessing to others, but they hadn’t been a blessing to her. In Chapter 2, the guy is simply saying that he was designed to bring her back to health. The woman was vulnerable, but the guy did not exploit her vulnerability. His job was to minster to her and build her back up!