How to have friends Part II, Bible Study 05/11/11


How to have Friends Part II

Synopsis of Bible Study 05/11/11

Delivered by Bishop Walker III

Last week we asked you to write down 3 things you think you bring to a friendship.
Then we told you to write 3 things down that people might say you bring to a
friendship. Then we told you to write down 3 things that you bring to a
friendship and one thing that you feel people take for granted with you.

Now if you had to choose one thing that you know without doubt that you
bring to a friendship, write it down. Then write down one think that you know
people take for granted in your life. We will come back to these.

I.
Characteristics of a friend

  1. Tells the truth- Proverbs 27:5-6, 9 says 5Open rebuke is better than secret
    love. 6Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an
    enemy are deceitful. 9Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so
    doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel. – We are
    looking for people that will tell us the truth. We want people that will tell
    is like it is.
  2. Loves with pureness of heart- Proverbs 22:11 says 11He that loveth pureness of heart,
    for the grace of his lips the king shall be his friend. – We act in
    ways that are not consistent with our heart, by the things we do. In fact, we often tell people to charge it to our head
    and not our heart. We really desire for people to know our hearts. If people
    really knew our heart, they would not judge us by how we act or our actions. Sometimes people can act certain ways,
    because of things that happened in their past. If we knew their hearts, we
    wouldn’t be so bitter towards them.
  3. Loyalty – They are loyal. Proverbs 27:10 says 10Thine own friend, and thy father’s
    friend, forsake not; neither go into thy brother’s house in the day of thy
    calamity: for better is a neighbour that is near than a brother far off. -We need
    somebody there with us. Loyalty will take you a long way. No matter what happens,
    you know you can count on this person.
  4. Loves at all times –Proverbs
    17:17 says
    17A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
    – I friend will love you no matter what. No matter what happens, we know this person loves
    us.

    1. There are things that separate us friends.
    2. i.
      Whisperers – Proverbs 16:28 says 28A froward man
      soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends. – You have this person
      who has a friend. They have been friends with you for a year. A new person
      comes in and is friends with you for week. The old friend is intimidated that they
      might not be able to keep you as a friend. The old friend whispers things that
      cause you to have doubt in the new friend. It is not about the integrity of the
      new friend. Instead it is about the lack of security in the old friend. Be
      careful of those that whisper things in your ear.
    3. ii.
      Violating trust- Proverbs 17:9 says 9He
      that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter
      separateth very friends. – Tell you a secret and next day it is in the Tennessean,
      on Facebook, or on Twitter. This will mess up a friendship when you can’t keep
      mouth closed.
    4. iii.
      Money- Proverbs 6:1-3 says 1My
      son, if thou be surety for thy friend, if thou hast stricken thy hand with a
      stranger, 2Thou art snared with the words of thy mouth, thou art
      taken with the words of thy mouth. 3Do this now, my son, and deliver
      thyself, when thou art come into the hand of thy friend; go, humble thyself,
      and make sure thy friend. – This is talking about money and friends. Ex- Bishop explains how he has a policy;
      he doesn’t loan money to his friends. Bishop learned that if he can’t give it
      to you, he just won’t do it. Bishop
      says that he don’t want money to get in
      between
      he and his friends relationship. You got people who know that they owe
      you money and they act like they don’t. They will buy new stuff and act like
      they don’t owe you money, as if you forgot about it. Proverbs 19:4 says 4Wealth maketh many friends; but the
      poor is separated from his neighbour. – It is not so much that the poor
      is separated from his friends, but when your conditions change, things change. If
      you have a lot of money and then all of a sudden it’s gone, some friends will
      fall off. Proverbs
      19:6-7 says
      6Many will intreat the favour of the
      prince: and every man is a friend to him that giveth gifts. 7All the
      brethren of the poor do hate him: how much more do his friends go far from him?
      he pursueth them with words, yet they are wanting to him. – He hooked
      them up when they were in need. When he was in need, there was none to be
      found. People have selective amnesia when it comes to money and this can mess
      up friendships. Ex- People come to
      us (Mt Zion) on our benevolent program and we try to help people. We have
      safeguards in place so we can be good stewards over our blessings (the money).
      We have policies such as the maximum we can give a person, so that we can be
      good stewards of this.  You can help a
      person in December, January, then February, March, and finally you have to tell
      them that you can’t do it anymore. If a person has come to us over and over
      again and they have exhausted he amount of times that they can come to us, then
      all of a sudden our name (Mt Zion) is mud.
      Learn how to say no to friends and learn to be comfortable with this decision.
      When you are a giver, don’t allow the lack
      of integrity
      of others prevent you from blessing
      somebody else.
      Don’t let somebody’s issue cause you to miss your blessing.

II.
Advice and friends

  1. Have problem having friends. What is the problem? Proverbs 18:24 says 24A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and
    there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. – You have to first be
    friendly, before you can have a friend. You got to have the personality that is
    friendly and stop being so unfriendly.
  2. You will attract what you are. If you are a person who has a warm
    personality, you will always attract that
    to yourself
    . If you gossip you will attract that. Gossipers are not attracted
    to you if you don’t like to gossip. You have to examine what people are seeing in you. We need advice
    from people that understand us. Proverbs
    22:11 says
    11He that loveth pureness of heart, for the grace of his lips
    the king shall be his friend.- He knows that he has gracious speach, Proverbs 27:6 says 6Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an
    enemy are deceitful., Proverbs 22:11 says 11He that loveth
    pureness of heart, for the grace of his lips the king shall be his friend. – We are looking for someone
    that can shoot straight with us. They can tell us what we need to hear.
  3. Why is this important? In order to get good advice we
    must be mindful of how you select our friends.
  4. Be mindful of how you select friends. Proverbs
    22:24-25 says
    24Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man
    thou shalt not go: 25Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to
    thy soul. , Proverbs 12:26 says 26The righteous is more excellent than his neighbour: but the
    way of the wicked seduceth them. – There are two kinds of people you have to choose
    from. There are those who will lead and walk with you towards your destiny and those that will walk and lead you down path of destruction. With them you
    have two choices, life or death or
    spending eternity in smoking or non-smoking
    .
  5. As you select friends, be careful. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says 14Be ye not unequally yoked together
    with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?
    and what communion hath light with darkness? – The issue is, we all have
    friends who are not saved (People that don’t go to church and who are down with
    whatever). We learned last week that there are some friends that are going to
    be on the fence, the porch, and the house. We don’t want you to feel like you
    need to cut them off, because this is not good
    evangelism
    . We have people that are not saved, but they are cool. We have to
    know where they fit in. You can’t allow them to have more influence on us than
    we do on them. As a child of God, how can they get you to stay out all night,
    and you can’t get them to come to church? Ex-
    A saved person that is going through a crisis can’t get advice from unsaved
    folk. 2
    Corinthians 6:16-17says
    16And
    what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the
    living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I
    will be their God, and they shall be my people. 17Wherefore come out
    from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean
    thing; and I will receive you. – In other words, what relationship do we have with
    these so called friends? Unsaved people operate from a different frame of reference. If you going through
    a spiritual thing, they will say you ought to”be out” or “do you” or “let’s roll” (referring to leaving your
    relationship). They can only interpret your situation based on what they know to do. We got these
    unsaved friends, but we are not trying to take
    their advice.
    For example, if we went to speech therapy and the Doctor
    stuttered, “Good morning” to us, we would not want to go through with the
    session. If we went to Dentist and they had a cavity in the front, we would not
    have much faith in their ability or their advice. You wouldn’t take advice from
    these types of people, because their actions don’t show that they are qualified
    to give advice. So why do you let non spiritual people give advice to you about
    your life.
  6. Friends that want wisdom – Proverbs
    13:20 says
    20He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion
    of fools shall be destroyed. – We want to be with the type of people they want wisdom. Proverbs 13:14 says 14The law of the wise is a fountain of life, to depart from
    the snares of death. -Wisdom will teach you how to say a thing. Ex- Say you have a friend going through something and they start emotionally eating. As a result, they
    are starting to get larger. You are concerned, because you don’t want them to
    get larger and larger. You can’t just go up to them and say, “You’re just fat!”  This would not be wise. Some people are still
    in counseling over things that you have said in the past. What would be wise to
    say is something like this: “I love you and I can’t imagine being here without
    you. I want to help you stay here for me and you and I will start by walking
    with you.”
  7. How do we maintain friendships? They can be disrupted for a variety of
    reasons. Here are some things messes friendships up:

    1. Repeating what you hear. Proverbs 17:9 says 9He that covereth a transgression
      seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.- The
      simply means we can’t tell you nothing, without you repeating it.
    2. Getting into senseless arguments. Proverbs 17:14 says 14The beginning of strife is as when
      one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled
      with. – Some people just wake up wanting to argue.
    3. Overstaying your welcome- Proverbs 25:17 says 17Withdraw thy foot from thy
      neighbour’s house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee. – Let folk
      miss you. Your friends try to send you messages and you still won’t go home. Everytime
      you go home, this kind of friend will ask to come over. Give your friends time
      to miss you.
    4. Meddling in affairs that are not your own- Proverbs 26:17 says 17He that passeth by, and meddleth
      with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears. – Nobody takes
      a dog by the ears, because they know they would get bit. This is how we mess up
      other folks friends. We get into other folks business. If you are invited you
      can involve yourself in their business, but don’t come into folks business uninvited.
    5. Playing bad jokes. Proverbs
      26:18-19 says
      18As a mad man who casteth firebrands, arrows, and death, 19So
      is the man that deceiveth his neighbour, and saith, Am not I in sport?
    6. Being a talebearer- This is gossiper. Proverbs 26:20 says 20Where no wood is, there the fire
      goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth. – When
      there are no gossipers around, everyone is good. When a gossiper walks in, the
      atmosphere changes.
    7. Being contentious- Proverbs 26:21 says 21As
      coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a contentious man to kindle
      strife.-These are people that are always starting stuff.
    8. Engaging in insincere flattery-. Proverbs 27:14 says 14He that blesseth his friend with a
      loud voice, rising early in the morning, it shall be counted a curse to him. – There are
      people that tell you things, but they are just trying to manipulate you to get what
      they want.

III.
Selecting Friends

  1. Be mindful of how you select friends. Proverbs
    22:24-25 says
    24Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man
    thou shalt not go: 25Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to
    thy soul. , Proverbs 12:26 says 26The righteous is more excellent than his neighbour: but the
    way of the wicked seduceth them. – There are two kinds of people you have to choose
    from. There are those who will lead and walk with you towards your destiny and those that will walk and lead you down path of destruction. With them you
    have two choices, life or death or
    spending eternity in smoking or non-smoking
    .
  2. As you select friends, be careful. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says 14Be ye not unequally yoked together
    with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?
    and what communion hath light with darkness? – The issue is, we all have
    friends who are not saved (People that don’t go to church and who are down with
    whatever). We learned last week that there are some friends that are going to
    be on the fence, the porch, and the house. We don’t want you to feel like you
    need to cut them off, because this is not good
    evangelism
    . We have people that are not saved, but they are cool. We have to
    know where they fit in. You can’t allow them to have more influence on us than
    we do on them. As a child of God, how can they get you to stay out all night,
    and you can’t get them to come to church? Ex-
    A saved person that is going through a crisis can’t get advice from unsaved
    folk. 2
    Corinthians 6:16-17says
    16And
    what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the
    living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I
    will be their God, and they shall be my people. 17Wherefore come out
    from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean
    thing; and I will receive you. – In other words, what relationship do we have with
    these so called friends? Unsaved people operate from a different frame of reference. If you going through
    a spiritual thing, they will say you ought to”be out” or “do you” or “let’s roll” (referring to leaving your
    relationship). They can only interpret your situation based on what they know to do. We got these
    unsaved friends, but we are not trying to take
    their advice.
    For example, if we went to speech therapy and the Doctor
    stuttered, “Good morning” to us, we would not want to go through with the
    session. If we went to Dentist and they had a cavity in the front, we would not
    have much faith in their ability or their advice. You wouldn’t take advice from
    these types of people, because their actions don’t show that they are qualified
    to give advice. So why do you let non spiritual people give advice to you about
    your life.

 IV.
What kind of friends do you want?

  1. Friends that want wisdom – Proverbs
    13:20 says
    20He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion
    of fools shall be destroyed. – We want to be with the type of people they want wisdom. Proverbs 13:14 says 14The law of the wise is a fountain of life, to depart from
    the snares of death. -Wisdom will teach you how to say a thing. Ex- Say you have a friend going through something and they start emotionally eating. As a result, they
    are starting to get larger. You are concerned, because you don’t want them to
    get larger and larger. You can’t just go up to them and say, “You’re just fat!”  This would not be wise. Some people are still
    in counseling over things that you have said in the past. What would be wise to
    say is something like this: “I love you and I can’t imagine being here without
    you. I want to help you stay here for me and you and I will start by walking
    with you.”
  2. How do we maintain friendships? They can be disrupted for a variety of
    reasons. Here are some things messes friendships up:

    1. Repeating what you hear. Proverbs 17:9 says 9He that covereth a transgression
      seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.- The
      simply means we can’t tell you nothing, without you repeating it.
    2. Getting into senseless arguments. Proverbs 17:14 says 14The beginning of strife is as when
      one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled
      with. – Some people just wake up wanting to argue.
    3. Overstaying your welcome- Proverbs 25:17 says 17Withdraw thy foot from thy
      neighbour’s house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee. – Let folk
      miss you. Your friends try to send you messages and you still won’t go home. Everytime
      you go home, this kind of friend will ask to come over. Give your friends time
      to miss you.
    4. Meddling in affairs that are not your own- Proverbs 26:17 says 17He that passeth by, and meddleth
      with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears. – Nobody takes
      a dog by the ears, because they know they would get bit. This is how we mess up
      other folks friends. We get into other folks business. If you are invited you
      can involve yourself in their business, but don’t come into folks business uninvited.
    5. Playing bad jokes. Proverbs
      26:18-19 says
      18As a mad man who casteth firebrands, arrows, and death, 19So
      is the man that deceiveth his neighbour, and saith, Am not I in sport?
    6. Being a talebearer- This is gossiper. Proverbs 26:20 says 20Where no wood is, there the fire
      goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth. – When
      there are no gossipers around, everyone is good. When a gossiper walks in, the
      atmosphere changes.
    7. Being contentious- Proverbs 26:21 says 21As
      coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a contentious man to kindle
      strife.-These are people that are always starting stuff.
    8. Engaging in insincere flattery-. Proverbs 27:14 says 14He that blesseth his friend with a
      loud voice, rising early in the morning, it shall be counted a curse to him. – There are
      people that tell you things, but they are just trying to manipulate you to get what
      they want.

V.
Solving problems with friends

  1. Make sure that you are at peace with the Lord. Proverbs 16:7 says   7When a man’s
    ways please the LORD, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him. – Don’t
    respond to your haters. Please God and he will make your enemies be at peace
    with you.
  2. Be slow to anger- Proverbs 15:18 says 18A
    wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.
    – You got folk that know how to push the right buttons, but you got to
    know how to process that. Learn to respond with your new man and not your old
    man. Ex-Some people don’t think Bishop
    gets angry. They act like he is not human. Bishop explains that when people
    pull out in front of him, he gets angry too. We all have to learn how to
    control our anger.
  3. Be slow to respond- Proverbs 18:13 says 13He
    that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him. -You in a
    heavenly debated issue and you won’t let them finish. Let them finish it. Be
    slow to answer.
  4. Avoid quarrelling- Proverbs 20:3 says 3It
    is an honour for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling. – Any fool
    can start fight.
  5. Speak gently- Proverbs 15:1 says 1A
    soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. – Speaking
    gently can avoid confrontation.
  6. Speak briefly- Proverbs 10:19 says 19In
    the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips
    is wise. -Tell them how you feel and be out.
  7. Be quick to show love- Proverbs 10:12 says 12Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love
    covereth all sins. – When we love a person, it can cover up a whole lot of
    what is wrong with you. If you love right, the person might choose not to hold your
    flaw against you.

 VI.
4 types of friends

  1. The developer- This is a person that brings out the best in you. It
    doesn’t have to even be a saved person.
  2. The designer- These are mentors or advisors. Jesus ministered to
    thousands; he trained hundreds, equipped 12, but had 3 intimate friends. Designer
    mentor us in marriage, business, and a variety of other areas.  Designers can be an author, acquaintances,
    rangers or even people who are dead, because they can design our life through
    scriptures, books, tapes, articles, or seminars.
  3. The disturber- This is a person who shakes up the status quo. They know when we have retreated to our comfort zone. It
    is like the eagle that stirs her nest and allows the eagles to fall out of the
    nest for their own good. They ask the
    question that others won’t ask. They want to know if your car note is more than
    your house. They want to know why you want to buy the car right now. In other
    words, they make you examine your
    motivation
    . If you say you want to open a business, they are the ones who
    ask if you got a business plan or have you worked out how you are going to
    finance it. Most of the time when we want to do something jacked up, we won’t
    go to the disturber. We need people in our life that can come to us and
    literally disturb stuff and ask the right
    questions
    .
  4. The discerner – This is that
    person that comes into our life and is spiritual enough to give us advice. Very
    few people will play this role in our life. They know how to keep you on the
    right track. Proverbs 27:6 says 6Faithful
    are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.- They can tell you that
    they can sense something. They can come and tell you stuff bad that they see,
    when you feel you are on the mountain. They can tell that something is wrong
    with you, even when you try to hide it.

Assignment: Think about your circle of 20 people in your life. If you don’t have
20, think about the 10 or the 5. They can be relatives, friends, or authors.  Think about where they fit into your life as
it relates to these categories or friend types we just mentioned. Does their
role in your life meet your assumptions about them?  Lay it all out and it will help you understand
your friendships.

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About growintheword

I consider myself a Christian with an envangelistic calling. I like music, art, and computers. I belive that God gives us our gifts so that they may be used for his glory. It is my desire that everyone in the world comes to know God and have a personal relationship with him by means of music, evangelistic ministry, and by understanding the word of God.
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