How to have friends Part I, Bible Study 05/04/11


How
to have friends Part I

Synopsis of
Bible Study 05/04/11

Delivered by
Bishop Walker III

Many of us
struggle with this idea of friendship.
In fact, many of us can count on one hand, how many real friends we have.
Remember the song, “Friends” by Whodini? If you think about it,
Whodini might have been on to something. All of us have experienced the
complexity of friends. It is really difficult, because many of us have
experienced wounds and bitterness from our so called friends. Today we want you
to understand who really doesn’t qualify to be your friend.

Proverbs
1:10 NKJV
 says 10My son,
if sinners entice thee, consent thou not.- King Solomon says we have to be
careful about the associations that we have, because those associations can
bring about simulation, which means you could be in danger of becoming like the people that you hang out
with.
This is where the whole idea, “Birds of a feather flock
together” comes from.

People you should not be in friendship with:

  1. Stay away from violent people – These are people scary to be
    around. They throw things and talk with an elevated voice whenever
    disagreement comes up.
  2. Stay away from greedy people- Proverbs 1:19 (NKJV) says
    19 So are the ways of everyone who is greedy for gain; It takes away the
    life of its owners.- These are people that are in pursuit of stuff all the
    time.  They always want more.

Manifestations of greedy people:

  1. The
    thief
    – Person that will take and steal.
  2. Proud
    rich
    person – Once they
    arrive at a certain level, they think they are better than others.
  3. Subtle
    thief
    – Will still from
    you as if you don’t know they are stealing from you
  4. Can’t wait crowd – Will do anything to get
    it, even manipulating people.
  1. Stay away from froward people – They swerve from one side to the
    other. They can’t make up their mind. They go from one way to
    another.  Proverbs 2:12 says 12To deliver thee from the way of the evil
    man, from the man that speaketh froward things; – There is no stability in
    their lives.
  2. Stay away from people who despise knowledge. Proverbs 1:29
    says
    29For that
    they hated knowledge, and did not choose the fear of the LORD: – These are people who do not want to
    grow in the word of God. Often people that don’t want to do better don’t
    want you to do better, because when you do better, you intimidate them. As
    long as you both struggle, they are good.
  3. Stay away from immoral people – They will do anything. They have
    no moral compass. Proverbs 2:16-19 says 16To deliver thee from the
    strange woman, even from the stranger which flattereth with her words;
    17Which forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of
    her God. 18For her house inclineth unto death, and her paths unto the
    dead. 19None that go unto her return again, neither take they hold of the
    paths of life.
  4. Stay away from talebarriers – These are people that gossip too
    much. Proverbs 10:19 says 19In the multitude of words there wanteth
    not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.
  5. Stay away from Liars – Proverbs
    14:5
     says 5A faithful witness will not lie: but a false witness will
    utter lies. – These people just make up stuff. Sometimes these people make
    up lies simply to make themselves look good.
  6. Stay away from the angry man – Proverbs 15:18 says 18A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but
    he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife. – These are the people that
    make you nervous to go out with them. They are always ready to fight. You
    have to tiptoe around this type which is unhealthy, because it is a fear
    based relationship. Any fear based relationship is unhealthy.
  7. Stay away from the lazy people- Proverbs 10:5 says 5He that gathereth in summer is a wise son:
    but he that sleepeth in harvest is a son that causeth shame. – These are
    people that just sit around trifling and have no regard for deadlines or schedules.
    This laziness is a spirit and it
    is contagious. Ex-”I am going to clean my house”.
    Second Person: “I’m just going to chill”. Before long, you come over and
    hang out with them and you end up doing what they do.
  8. Stay away from Drunkards- We all have people who drink, but this type
    of person loses control every time
    they drink.
    We will always be in an unhealthy relationship with this
    person, because we never know who is going to show up.  These people put us in jeopardy, because
    we don’t know what they will do or say.
  9. Stay
    away from fools –Psalm 14:1
    says 1The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt,
    they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.- Fools are
    just fools.

For some of us, this list names just about
everyone we know.

Types of friends

  1. The company that we will keep can have an adverse affect on us. 1 Corinthians 15:43 says 43It is
    sown in dishonour; it is raised in glory: it is sown in weakness; it is
    raised in power: – This means we need to be strategic about who we will
    allow to be our friends.
  2. Friendship is really a matter of trust.
  3. Types of friends:
    1. Acquaintances – These are people that we know by
      name, we talk to them when then opportunity arises, but our interaction
      is very limited. We don’t go out of our way to talk to them, but when we
      encounter them, we speak. Some
      people are only meant to be acquaintances in your life. These are also
      referred to as associates.
    2. Friends-These are people whom we voluntarily
      negotiated a personal relationship with. These are people that we look to
      have similar values, beliefs, attitudes, and values. This is something we
      intentionally invest into.

Friend Expectations

  1. We expect them to be positive- We want to
    be able to enjoy their company.
  2. They must be assuring- In other words, we
    trust each other.
  3. We share openness –  We share our feelings with each other

Intimate Friendships (Your inner circle)

  1. These are people that have another level of trust and commitment
    with you. These are people that you confide in.  You ought not to feel guilty about
    having this, because Jesus even had an inner
    circle
    .
  2. These are people that you will have very few of in a lifetime. In
    fact if you get 3 in a lifetime, you are doing well.  Jesus only had 3 (Peter, James, and
    John) in his inner circle.

Mentoring Friendships

  1. There are 3 types of Christian
    Friendships
    1. Mentor Friendship – These are relationships whereby we teach,
      we council, we disciple, and we are the ones who literally pour into
      other people. Our role in this person’s life is hierarchal. We understand as a mentor that there is something
      that God wants us to pour into someone. Some friendships will be this
      way. There is something in you that God wants you to impart into the other person.
    2. Mentee Friendship – You are the person that is receiving. Now
      you are in a position where you know God has put you into a person’s life
      to get everything out of them you can as it relates to wisdom.
    3. Mutual Friendships – Not
      based on mentoring. They are situations where two individuals are aligned
      spiritually and emotionally and intellectually. They recognize the
      relationship is not unilateral or one way. Instead it flows both ways. One of the biggest
      frustrations you can have is when you are in a unilateral friendship. By this we mean that we pour out and
      no one pours back into us. We have the understanding that this thing
      requires mutual investment
  2. Try this. Take the top 10 people that you
    check on in a month and don’t check on them for two weeks and see who
    checks on you. Your feelings will really be hurt by these results. This
    will give you an indication of what relationships you are in. Ex- Bishop explains that some of
    the closest relationships that he is in, he doesn’t call them every day.
    Though he doesn’t call them every day, but when they talk, they catch up.
    They pick up where they left off.
    Anyone that is real needy won’t understand this. You can’t be a needy
    person in a relationship. If you are, this might indicate that you are
    using the relationship for something that God didn’t intend. The
    motivation by which you are in this relationship can be considered
    unhealthy.

The difference between friends and associates

  1. Do you know the difference between friends and associates?
  2. Should your mate be your friend first?
  3. Do you know how to make and keep a good friend?
  4. If you are young, should parents choose your friends?
  5. Are you with friends right now for a good reason?
  6. Are you friend worthy?

5 characteristics of a healthy friendship

  1. Friends love sacrificially- John
    15:13 says
    13Greater
    love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. –
    Jesus was our example. He loved sacrificially, selflessly, and he
    demonstrated his love by laying down his life on the cross. If you choose
    to be in a friendship, you must understand that part of your investment is
    to give selflessly and sacrificially
    to the friendship without expectation.
  2. Friends give without expecting in return
    – The Lord gave to us without expecting. He said he would love us until we
    learned how to love him back. His love is not contingent on how we love
    him. As a result, we have to realize that our contribution to the
    friendship must be selfless.  It
    doesn’t always revolve around us. We might have to sacrifice things for
    the sake of the friendship. Ex- Sometimes
    on Saturday, while putting the icing on the sermon (though it is done way
    before Saturday), a friend may call in need and Bishop is forced to make a
    decision. Sometimes, he has to sacrifice and stay up a little longer for
    the sake of the friend, because the friend needs you.  What are you willing to sacrifice for
    the friendship? Philippians 2:3 says 3Let
    nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let
    each esteem other better than themselves. – Consider the other
    person.  Value your friends’ needs
    above your own.  If you are the only
    one sacrificing, this is not a healthy Christian Friendship.
  3. Friends love unconditionally –Proverbs
    17:17 says
    17A
    friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. –
    A true friend is not a person that just loves me when I am mountain or
    when all is well in my life. A true friend will love us when we are at rock bottom too.  We can’t tell who our real friend is
    when we got a lot of money, because rats come out when there is a lot of cheese around.  If you want to know who your real
    friends are, hit rock bottom or lose your job. Let stuff happen and see
    how they respond. When things go bad, you will find out who your friends
    really are, because they will love you unconditionally.  Some of us throw people away when people
    mess up, because we have a difficult time accepting ourselves. Ex
    There is a probably a psychological construct for this, when a
    person has a person conversation with
    themselves about themselves. 
    For
    example we might say, “What is wrong with me” and no one is in the house
    but you. What is going on is you are making yourself sick and you are
    telling yourself about. The way you love yourself, is the same way which
    you have to love your friend, because we love our neighbor as our self.  God sends people into our lives, prior
    to adversity without us being aware why they are there. The truth is, they
    were born for the adversity that we are about to go through.  We have a tendency to push these people
    away, because we don’t understand why they are there.  They might not fit the pedigree that your
    other friends have, but these are the people that truly pray for you.  It is this person born for your
    adversity that will stay and pray for you while everyone else goes the
    other way.
  4. Friends trust completely –Proverbs
    18:24: says
    24A
    man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend
    that sticketh closer than a brother. – Trust is something that has
    to be earned. It takes time to come to place of trust. Ex- Bishop explains that when he was in his early twenties, he used to
    give everyone he met a 100%.
    And then he would allow their actions to deduct from that 100%. He had
    expectations of 100% on people and he would end up hurt, because of unmet expectations. Now he starts
    everyone a 0% and allows them to earn the expectation. This avoids disappointment
    from unmet expectation. Trust has to be earned. As relationship grows, confidence is added. Can you be
    trusted? What do you do with Juicy information? Some of us have a big
    mouth and tell everything we know.
  5. Keep healthy boundaries –  1 Corinthians 13:4
    says
     4Charity suffereth long, and
    is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed
    up, – Boundaries are so important. If you are not careful, people
    can break boundaries.  Friends can
    come between spouse, children. You can be in the mall and people who know
    you can come up to you and speak to you while acting like your spouse is
    invisible. Another example is people calling your house late at night. You have to have
    certain boundaries.  Space is a good sign for a healthy relationshipEx-
    Bishop explains that when he was young, he used to go out in the
    country to his Granma’s house. There was a fence with a gate, a big front
    yard, a porch, a screen door, and a door. Some friends would come to gate
    and Grandma would say go where they are at. He knew that it was implied
    not to open the gate. Some people would come and she would say come on in
    and then tell them to go to field and play. She didn’t want them on the
    porch. There were others that she allowed to sit on the porch with us.
    There were others that were like family that were allowed in and out of
    the house and they were allowed to eat with them. This is a revelation of
    how we should appropriate friends in our life. Some people should be allowed
    just outside the gate. Jesus had
    3 into the garden with him while he prayed and he left 8 at the gate. We
    have a problem of letting gate people in
    the house
    .  Boundaries are
    important. We must have boundaries.
    Don’t let people violate your boundaries. Set boundaries for your
    friendships.
  6. Friends give mutual edifications – Proverbs
    27:6 says
    6Faithful
    are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. –
    If a friend tells you something that cuts you, you can trust that, because
    it is real stuff. We need people in our life that can keep it 100, even if
    it makes us bleed. How do we tell people something they don’t want to
    hear?  We have to say something
    like, “I realize that what I have to say, may jeopardize our relationship,
    but I am so committed to our relationship that I am willing to put our
    relationship in jeopardy even if you might talk to me for month… ” It is
    important that we be who we said we were going to be in their life. We are
    willing to accept any response back given, but we must remain responsible
    and be who I said I was going to be in this relationship. If your friend
    is wearing something that they shouldn’t wear, we should be able to tell
    them this out of love. There are people that told us things that stung and
    mad us upset, but we are glad that they told us.  We rather someone tell us the truth now
    and be upset, than being hurt later and saying “you should have told me.”

Note: One thing we need to know is we are breaking boundaries on Facebook
and Twitter. We put too much of our personal information out there, then we
wonder why people look at s like we are crazy. You got to be careful. It’s
about boundaries

Assignment…

  1. Write down 3 things that you know you bring
    to friendships. This is not things money can buy. These are things money
    can’t buy. For example, “ I bring … because I am loyal or I am a good
    listener.
  2. Write down 3 things people take for
    granted about you when they are in Friendship with you.
  3. Next week we will discuss this assignment
    and how it is relative. Have a blessed day.
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About growintheword

I consider myself a Christian with an envangelistic calling. I like music, art, and computers. I belive that God gives us our gifts so that they may be used for his glory. It is my desire that everyone in the world comes to know God and have a personal relationship with him by means of music, evangelistic ministry, and by understanding the word of God.
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