How do you know? Part 3
How do you know he or she is the right one?
Synopsis of Bible Study 2.13.11
Delivered by Bishop Walker III
First of all, let’s just start by saying this; if you are married and you don’t feel that person is the right one, we are just sorry. If you are single you don’t know how blessed you are. Some folks would say if they knew then what they know now; they would have gone another way. It is important to know that what God does in relationships is intentional. One thing that really stands out is what God did in the very first relationship, Adam & Eve. God said it is not good for the man to be alone. This however was a certain type of man. Now Adam had been given a job and God had set him up in the garden with everything he could ever need. Adam was in such a place that God said it was not good for this type of person to be alone. This type of person is ready for relationship. Every relationship that comes together is for a greater purpose. It is about the fruit that a relationship will produce. This is why you have to be with people connected to God. Without him, there with will be no fruit produced.
I. Must have a relationship with God
1. There are people that desire a relationship with you, yet they don’t have a relationship with God. This ought to make you wonder what their motives are.
Evidence that a person has a relationship with God:
a. Must be in Covenant – Corinthians 6:14 says 14Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? – A relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ is always validated by covenant. As a result, a person with a relationship with God will not fall into relationship with a person that doesn’t have a walk with God. Don’t have that Messianic complex which is the idea of going into relationship thinking you were sent to save them. This is unhealthy; because the bible says don’t hook up with people that are not equally yoked with where you are. They must have a covenant relationship with God.
b. Must have Character – John 8:31-32 says 31Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; -You can’t connect with anybody who is not free. The issue is, if they have God’s word inside them, it is true and it liberates. We need to see what kind of character a person has before we leap. Ex – Who would walk into a prison just to be with a person they liked. All of us have issues, but God’s word liberates us and sets us free. Even though we still have issues, because we are working out our salvation, we are at least in the process of becoming free. This means we need to unite with people who are free. We are not permanent prisoners of our issues.
c. They have Commitment – What are you willing to commit to? How can a person commit to you if they can’t commit to God? Their first commitment has to be with God. Hebrews 10:25 says 25Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching. – When I am committed, I come to church as it says in this scripture. I don’t care how you cut it, you will love coming to church when you are in a committed relationship with God. Ex- How can you be in a relationship with a person and want to stay at their house for 5hrs at a time and say you are in relationship with God and not want to stay at his house for 1hr? When you are in relationship with God, you want to be at his house (the church). If you got to force a person to come to church, that ought to be a red flag for you. If you are not under the same word then you won’t be equally yoked. This being unequally yoked means that you will speak different languages. Like Luke 9:23 says, 23And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. – In other words, we can’t follow anyone who does not follow Christ. Did you know Jesus was the first person to have a Twitter account? The scripture says that Jesus told them to “Follow him” (Note: You might not get this if you don’t know anything about Twitter).
2. Now just to recap, we discussed that one way to know that a person is the right one is that they must have a relationship with God and this will be evident, because they have a covenant with God, they have character, and they have commitment. Now let’s discuss what they must have next.
II. They are goal oriented
1. We need somebody aimed towards something. They must have goals. In other words, their life is centered on destiny.
2. We are after somebody who has vision. –Proverbs 29:18 18Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he. – These type of people see beyond their right now. They see themselves debt free and they see themselves graduating. Imagine seeing all this and being with somebody that doesn’t have any vision. They would never see beyond their reality. This is why God gave us two eyes, two ears, and one mouth. This is so we wouldn’t talk so much, but instead listen and see more. The issue is, God gave us two eyes. This is called anthropomorphic grace in seminary. When you come to together, you represent one eye and your mate represents another eye. When you come together with vision, this is 20/20 vision meaning we see together. We don’t have to see the same thing, but we ought to see something. Your visions might not be the same as mines, but they ought to line up. Imagine if one person is speaking life and another is speaking death. Ex- What are you going to do in the next 2 yrs is a question we ought to ask? In other words, the person we are in relationship with needs to be able to see beyond their right now. Because they see beyond right now, this vision ought to make you work.
3. Must be willing to work–2 Thessalonians 3:10 says 10For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. – Vision in other words makes me work. You can’t have vision and not be willing to work. We need someone who has vision and knows the value of work. This is an issue of integrity. It is saying that should I lose my end, even if I have to work a job beneath me, I will work and work to make things happen. Ex- Bishop Walker explains that one reason he thinks he has a good work ethic is because there was never a day in his life that he didn’t see his Dad work. Bishop explains that his day is over 80yrs old and he just recently bought him a new truck so that he could have a reliable way to go to work. Now at 80yrs old, he is still willing to work.
4. Not intimidated by your success – Genesis 1:28 says 28And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. –This scripture opens up by saying, “He blessed them…” It existed on both Adam and Eve without intimidation of how it would affect either one. Ex- Bishop explains that he gets many questions, tweets, email, and etc… from around the world. He says one of the number one questions he gets is; why are men intimidated by a strong woman? Bishop explains that it is not about the woman’s strength. It is about the man’s weakness. Never allow yourself to feel guilty about being successful. If they are intimidated by your success it is about their insecurities.
a. It is really about self control. Often some men want to be put in a situation where they have do things for you. People that are insecure often use this to control you. People who are insecure want to be able to take stuff and make you think you can’t make it without them. Ex-Ever seen the movie “Color Purple”? Remember the scene where Celie had decided to leave. In the movie Mister told Celie “What you going to do? You poor, you ugly, you a woman… “Mister could only give Celie money. She had to depend on him for everything she needed. If you go into a relationship without your own stuff, you are backing into a controlling situation. 90% of people who walk and stay into abuse, is because they don’t have anywhere to go. Imagine now if you understood that your success would draw success. Your success should be so magnetic; you draw like people to yourself. When they go into a relationship without anything, you allow yourself to be controlled. A good way to know that a person is not intimidated by your success is to see if they can celebrate your success even though it does not involve them. They know that who you are doesn’t diminish who they are. They are willing to allow you to be the cup and they be the saucer, because they know that the saucer gets the overflow.
5. They have financial integrity -Hard times come to everybody. If you don’t have but a $1.50, you ought to still have a budget for it.
How does this financial integrity play out?
a. They must be a Tither-In your house, a person who is a tither causes your house to be covered. Malachi 3:7-9 says 7Even from the days of your fathers ye are gone away from mine ordinances, and have not kept them. Return unto me, and I will return unto you, saith the LORD of hosts. But ye said, Wherein shall we return? 8Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings. -Who wants to go into a house that is set up to be cursed? Malachi 3:10-11 says 10Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it. 11And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field, saith the LORD of hosts.- In a tithing house hold, God covers you and keeps the enemy from your money. Ex- If you don’t tithe, sometimes your air conditioner will mysteriously break down. God will orchestrate it so that the company that fixes your air conditioner is owned by a tither, so in other words, God still gets the money that you were supposed to tithe.
b. Must be a seed sower – When you are dealing with finances, you don’t want anyone who questions what you give in offerings. Luke 6:38 says 38Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again. –You will benefit from the seeds you have sown.
c. Must pay their bills. – Romans 13:8 says 8Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. – You don’t want to go on a date and come back out of the restaurant to find that your car is gone. You must pay your bills. At least you can pay a little on it if you can’t pay it all.
d. Must be willing to invest – We have to learn to put stuff back for a rainy day. Proverbs 6:6-11 says 6Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise: 7Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler, 8Provideth her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food in the harvest. 9How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard? when wilt thou arise out of thy sleep? 10Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: 11So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man. – The ant stores up; because he knows that the seasons will change. You have to ask yourself, does this person live out of their front pocket or out of their bosom?
e. Must leave an Inheritance– Vision always out lives you. Everything you do in this next scripture, should outlive you. Proverbs 13:22 says22A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children’s children: and the wealth of the sinner is laid up for the just. – We will not leave bills to our children and our grandchildren. We will leave blessings behind. And we can start a generational blessing. Today it might mean you have to get a pizza and microwave it as opposed to going out.
6. They must have shared values, be family oriented, and exercise healthy lifestyles. Amos 3:3 says 3Can two walk together, except they be agreed? – Some people date people and don’t ask the tough questions such as:
a. What is this person’s value system? Genesis 2:24 says 24Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. – Are they a Momma’s boy or Daddy’s girl? Look over their family and it will give you an idea of what their values are.
b. What are your values as it relates to healthy life style? 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says 19What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 20For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s. – Do they eat right or take care of themselves? Do they smoke weed all day? Do they order bathroom salt?
7. They have cohesive communication – Can we sit down and talk or communicate? Proverbs 16:24 says 24Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones., Proverbs 25:11 says 11A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver. , Proverbs 27:6 says 6Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful., Proverbs 27:15 says 15A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. Proverbs 15:1 says 1A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -.
It is important to understand the power of communication. You must:
a. Be a ready listener and don’t answer until the other person has finished talking
b. Be slow to speak. Think first. Don’t be hasty in your words.
c. Speak the truth always, but do it in love. Do not exaggerate.
d. Don’t use silence to frustrate your mate. Explain why you are hesitant to talk at this particular time.
e. Do not quarrel. It is possible to disagree without quarreling.
f. Do not respond in anger. Use a soft and kind response.
g. When you are in the wrong, admit it and ask for forgiveness.
h. Avoid nagging. No one will hear you if approach it with a nagging spirit.
i. Don‘t blame or criticize the other. Instead, restore and encourage them. Try to under the other person’s opinion.
III. They occupy mental and spiritual space. (You can picture yourself spending the rest of your life together).
1. If you doubting it, then it probably wont happen. Genesis 2:23 says 23And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. – Adam carried Eve in his spirit. She was always with him. This is how you know a person is right for you. You carry this person in your spirit all the time.
2. Proper application of masculinity and femininity-Women want men who have backbone. Ephesians 5:22-28 says 22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. -. Men want women who exude their femininity. Make some decisions. A man wants a woman that when she steps out, it makes him proud. Femininity is such a gift from God, the devil tries to steal it and give it some men.
3. Must have transparency and truth – You got to get to a point. Genesis 2:25 says 25And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. – They were naked and not ashamed. If you can’t trust your mate, then there is no way you can have a good relationship. We do realize that trust has to be earned, but over a period of time, there ought to be some trust developed. The more you invest, the more you should have. You must be willing to give. There should be transparency and trusting. Ex- The problem is, when most people get together, their representative shows up. It’s never the real person that shows up. Give it to the person up front and not on the back end.
4. They are selfless in their expressions of love- They love without expectations. Song of Solomon 2:3-6 says 3As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. 4He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. 5Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love. 6His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me.
a. Verse 3 says they should overcome me.
b. Verse 3b says, we are fulfilled under this covering.
c. Verse 4 says love took me to buffet and said you can have what you want. Everyone knew I was in a relationship, because it was all on me. The joy of the relationship was on them. You ought to look like joy when you are in a proper relationship.
d. Verse 5 says Im being loved so much, I’m getting sick. In other words, I am so loved, I am spoiled.
e. Verse 6 says Love wouldn’t let me go. What love really does is say, “I got you, regardless of circumstances, I won’t let you go”.
5. Everyone wants to know if they mate got them. If I make a mistake, do you have me? When the preacher asks you if you agree to the vows, there want be a gun to your head? Be sure you really find that person that no matter what, “has your back”