Are you relationship ready Part 3
Tools for a successful marriage
Synopsis of Bible Study 02/10/10
Delivered by Bishop Walker
God has a plan for the Christian home. In the Christian home, it is important that both people in relationship are under the headship of Jesus Christ, in order to have a healthy relationship. Unless you have on fire relationship with Jesus Christ, the flames will go out. The relationship you have with God is what keeps your relationship vibrant.
I. Have to be certain of your salvation.
1. Both people in the relationship must be saved. This is not just coming to church. It is having an authentic relationship with Jesus Christ. We have to make sure we are equally yoked with someone that is saved. If not, our relationship is out of balance. 2 Peter 1:10 says 10Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall:-You need to be certain of your election or salvation. Know that you are saved.
a. Examine yourselves. 2 Corinthians 13:5 says 5Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates? -You have a relationship with God. You should be sure of your salvation. Many have made this statement, “I know this is the one God sent to me”. How can you be certain about something like this and not be sure of your salvation? We are not perfect, but we thank God that we have been redeemed from the hand of the enemy. When you are looking to be in relationship with someone, don’t just ask if they go to church. Ask them are they saved.
b. Be clean from all sin. Proverbs 28:13 says 13He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.-If you confess your sins, you will have mercy. Un-confessed sin brings about cover-ups in relationships. You are an extraordinary person. Each person will bring their own sin and nature to the relationship. There are a lot of things that you have done that you need forgiveness for, prior to getting into a relationship. If you are not cleansed of your sin, it can cause the relationship to be one birth in a great cover-up. Ex- When Adam and Eve were in the garden, God said they could have anything they wanted except for that one tree. Eve eats the forbidden fruit and gave it to Adam and he ate too. Adam and Eve were naked the whole time and were not ashamed. After eating the fruit, sin came in and suddenly they were ashamed of their nakedness. Sin makes you shameful. It makes you cover-up. Who wants to be in a marriage filled with cover-ups? You need to confess that sin! We got issues that need to be dealt with. We don’t need to be in relationship where we always have to cover things up. 1 John 1:9 says 9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. – If we must be cleansed from unrighteousness, then unrighteousness must stain us. Everything that we don’t get cleansed from leave s a stain. What happens is this. It is like we put on more layers of clothing to cover up the stains, but underneath the layers, we are still stained. The grime and stains underneath the layers of clothing eventually make us become smelly. This is why we need the Lord to cleanse us from this. God will take your stain away and when you show up to your relationship, it will be just like you never did it. What can make us whole again? Nothing but the blood of Jesus. What can wash away our sins? Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
James 5:16 says 16Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availed much. – In a marriage relationship, there must be some transparency. Once you confess your sins from what you did you are free. If you confess your sins to your mate and feel the vulnerability coming up in that area again, then your spouse can pray for you. If you cover it up, you are just exposed. You may be healed when you share those intimate details. Note: When your spouse shares those intimate details with you, don’t beat them up with those details. Ex- Why you feeling vulnerable? Am I not enough for you?
c. Be committed to your savoir. In our worship life, we want to be committed. Ephesians 5:19-21 says 19Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; 20Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; 21Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.-A person that is a true worshiper doesn’t have to worship God confined to a church building. They can worship anywhere. Never enter a relationship with a person that will not worship God. If a person will not reverence their creator, what makes you think they will appreciate or honor you? Our worship should not be hinged to somebody calling us to worship. We don’t come to church to worship. We come to church worshipping.
i. In your work life. Ephesians 6:5 says 5Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ. – I honor authority on my job. I don’t do it not to suck up; I do this because it is an honor to have a job. If we are committed to God, everything we put a hand must be done well.
ii. In your war life. Ephesians 6:11 says 11Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.- Single people have a certain naivety when it comes to relationships. Married people will tell you, no matter how saved you are, somebody within the relationship will act a fool. If you live in the same house with the same person long enough, something is bound to jump off. The question is how will you respond? The answer is with our war life. When we go to bed, we war with them with prayer. We will take authority over the situation, because we are a warrior. When we war with the devil, we are letting the devil know, that we will stand against everything that comes against us (our relationship). When situations come, we don’t buckle. When your spouse acts a fool, you wait until they go to bed and pray over them in the name of Jesus. When you are warring, you draw the line in the sand and let the devil know that you are willing to fight for what’s yours.
iii. In your wedded life. Ephesians 5:22-33 says 22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. – How do you perceive being married? There are people that are so in love with idea of being married; they don’t know what being married really is. They are fascinated more with the things that are involved in the wedding. They think that once the preacher says you are now pronounced man and wife, they will both change inside. The truth is nothing really changes but your jewelry. You are the same people inside. If you will notice at the wedding where Jesus turned water into wine, Jesus didn’t just come to the wedding. Jesus came to the marriage. John 2:1-2: 1And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there: 2And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage.
2. This means we need to be committed to our spouse. Ephesians 5:31 31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. – Know that your parents don’t have a vote in your house. If you are about to get married and you can’t get a place of your own together, then you need to wait. If you go under parent’s roof, then you are subject to their rule. When you come together with your spouse, you have to break away from the influence of your parent’s finances. When a father is walking his daughter down the aisle to be married, he is thinking that she is about to come out of his pocket and get into her husband’s. As a man, you are supposed to be able to take care of your wife. Ex- Ex-Bishop explains that he has a rule in his house. No matter how much distress his sisters may be in, he won’t do anything as long as they got a man in the house. Bishop says he is too much man to be taking care of another man. Real men know how to hold it down.
II. Gods plan for the Christian husband.
1. We must be a leader. The man is responsible for the leadership in his home. He has to be the one to say we are going to church. He is the one that sets climate as leader. He must be a leader. Ephesians 5:25 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; – This is where agape love comes from. Women, your husband should love you so much, he thinks about you first (before himself). He should be steadfast and consistent. He loves you so much; you are like a woman that was mentioned in Solomon. She was loved so much that she was sick of love. Your husband should love you so much; you make others sick talking about it.
2. He must be a laborer. Ephesians 5:28 28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. – He is willing to put in the work in to make the marriage work. If a man loves his body, he puts work in it to make his body work. Even if it takes watching the Lifetime channel for 30 minutes in the name of making it work, they are willing to do so.
3. He should be a protector. Ephesians 5:23 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. – One of the top things a women looks for in a man is security. Men must create a safe environment. The wife should feel safe, because her husband made some provisions to make the family secure in their absence (such as: life insurance, savings, and etc…).
4. He should be pro-active- Ephesians 5:25 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; – God reconciled us back to himself. In relationships, husbands will sometimes have to make the first move after an argument. You have to get to a point that you recognize that you may have to be the one that makes the first move. You have to be the one that softens the issue.
5. He should be precise – Ephesians 5:28 28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. -He realizes the need of the spouse. Men need to learn how to minister to their wives. Ex- Men, when you wish your wife would fix her hair up a little bit, don’t just say, “I wish you would get your hair fixed”. Take a different approach. Get a pass to a spare for her. You never how much that will bless you between the time you give it to her and bedtime.
6. He must be a provider- Ephesians 5:29 29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: – Men, we have to meet our spouses needs. We must provide for her. You need to assure your wife that she married someone that can hold it down. Tell her you want let her drive a dirty car and wash her car for her.
7. He is to nourish her- A good husband should help his wife reach her full potential. Encourage her to go after her goals. A good husband is not intimidated by his spouse making more money than him.
8. He is to cherish- A good husband should make his wife feel wanted. Men, do you know that look you gave her when you first fell in love with her? Now we find ourselves not noticing things about her like when she gets a new hairdo, or new shoes, or new clothes. This action leaves your wife open, because she longs for that attention. As a result, when somebody at work gives her that compliment, she feels bubbly. A woman wants to feel like she still has it. Remind her that she is still your queen.
a. Women, remember that men are not wired like you are. For husbands, sex is the main event. Women think about the chocolates they were given and the nice candlelight dinner they were given, but the truth of the matter is the man is watching his watch and waiting for the main event. Women, remember that flannel doesn’t work out well for the main event. Ex- It’s like when you go to see boxing. They put on the undercard fights first and though they are intriguing, you are waiting for the main event. This note is for the men. The most disappointing thing that can happen is for you to finally get to the main event and the fighter goes down in the first round. Men, this may be something that you will get on the way home.
III. Gods plan for the Christian helpmeet
1. Submission is a military word referring to rank. It is a voluntary attitude for cooperation. God ordained submission, because he wanted there to be order in the home. Under submission, we as a couple talk about things together at home and then the man goes out and represents. He speaks on behalf of the family.
a. A word about respect- There is nothing truer than knowing that a man likes having his ego stroked. Lots of men don’t know what they can offer some women. A man has to feel needed. Women, God desires for you to be covered. If you want a family or children, you need a man. You are not the virgin marry. It is true that the woman should be complete before she gets with a man, but know that your husband needs to feel needed. Women, lift your husband up. Validate your man. Though we may be macho on the outside, we are a little boy that needs ego stroking on the inside.
b. A word about realization.
i. It honors God.- When you submit, it honors God
ii. The husband will answer for the home. – When Eve blew it in the Garden, God came looking for Adam. Genesis 3:8-9 says 8And they heard the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God amongst the trees of the garden. 9And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?
2. Submission cannot be forced. Women, watch out for that Jezebel Spirit. When you have other friends criticizing you for fixing your spouse’s plate, ask them who are they fixing a plate for? Don’t use what you have to manipulate. Submission should not be forced. Remember Gods law always supersedes that of your husbands.
3. 5 must haves in a healthy relationship.
a. Self validation- We must affirm ourselves. We are cool with ourselves even if others are not. We have to be willing to validate ourselves.
b. Shared values- You have to have similar values when you connect with someone.
c. Submitted vessels- We are a conduit which God uses to bless the world.
d. Support each other’s vision. God brings our visions together and we support each other’s vision.
e. Spiritually victorious-A person that know Christ can look at a situation such a spouse laid off and the lights getting cut off, and they can light some candles and assure the other person that they will make it through this. They spread positive things. Watch people and how they handle crises. Sometimes you are gong to be weak and you need somebody around you that is strong. Ex- Imagine that your house catches on fire. Just because tragedy comes you don’t have to break down. Spiritually Victorious means this: If you are on hospital bed and the one you have chosen to be with is standing by that bed and then doctor comes in with bad news. Would you be comfortable allowing that person standing by your bedside to pray for you?
- growintheword on You got to go through it!, Sermon 04/24/13
- angereda haynes on You got to go through it!, Sermon 04/24/13
- Bettye Dodson on Genesis IV, Bible Study 11/30/16
- growintheword on How To Study Pray & Win Part 2, Bible Study 9/7/16
- Bettye Dodson on How To Study Pray & Win Part 2, Bible Study 9/7/16