Are you relationship ready Pt 2
7 Principles of relationship essentials
Synopsis of Bible Study 2.3.10
Delivered by Bishop Walker III
I. Raise your standards
1. Learn the power of raising your standard. You can only receive what you expect to receive. If your standards are low, you will attract low people.
a. Want somebody that is Saved-You need to have somebody that is saved, if you want a relationship that will last. 1 Timothy 2:3-4 says 3For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Saviour; 4Who will have all men to be saved, and to come unto the knowledge of the truth.- We are saved but we are evolving and growing. We are coming into this knowledge of truth.
Amos 3:3 says 3Can two walk together, except they be agreed?,
2 Corinthians 6:14 says 14Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? – It is important that a person has a relationship with Jesus Christ, especially one that you consider to be in relationship with. If you are already married to a person, you ought to want to raise your standards and see the importance of being saved. When we are saved and go to bed, we know angels watch over us. When the other person in the relationship is not saved, we don’t know what is watching over them. Don’t have a messianic complex. This is going into a relationship thinking that you can save somebody. You can’t save anybody. They have to have a relationship with Jesus Christ for themselves. You can be friends with a person that needs saving and you can help them, but it is not healthy to be in relationship with them.
b. Want somebody filled with the spirit-Can be lead by my own account, but what is important; I must be filled with the spirit. Ephesians 5:17says 17Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.- You ought to want to be in relationship with people who want to do what God’s will is. When a person is spirit lead, they make good decisions. They are not led by their emotions. Instead they are led by their convictions.
c. Want to be in relationship with someone who is progressive thinking- When you are a progressive thinker, you can get real agitated with someone that doesn’t think outside of the box. If we got to bring a person out of yesterday into today, then they are already two days behind. You got to have people who are trend setters.
d. Want someone that has a desire to be employed- There are people that don’t have jobs by no fault of their own. This is understandable, however, people that don’t have a job ought to have a desire to have one. I person that doesn’t have a desire to work is a deal breaker. This is about a person’s character. Proverbs 22:29 (NIV) says 29 Do you see a man skilled in his work? He will serve before kings; he will not serve before obscure men. – This type of person who searches for opportunities.
Proverbs 12:11 says 11He that tilleth his land shall be satisfied with bread: but he that followeth vain persons is void of understanding.-We need somebody who works. We need a harvest. We don’t need people that are always saying they are trying to put something together. This is fantasy. Fantasies are not going to pay NES. While you are putting things together, this brings frustration into the relationship. There should be no job that is beneath you other than those that compromise your convictions.
e. Personal Hygiene-Raise your standard! People ought to take care of themselves. They ought to appreciate things like soap, groomed hair, toothpaste, and etc… 1 Corinthians 6:20 says 20For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s. – We need to glorify God with our body. You got to learn how to take care of yourself. Don’t’ just throw something on when you go out. If something happens, the camera will be on you.
f. Communication- You ought to want to have someone that has an appreciation for the English language. You ought to want to be with someone that is well rounded and be able to talk on several different subjects. People are not interested in taking people somewhere and having to be scared for them to talk. Adam and Eve lost the garden by not communicating. Adam never asked Eve where the fruit came from. Communication in marriage is like light. Relationships are dualistic. It is about heat and light. Heat is passion. Light is knowledge which comes from communication. In beginning of a marriage there is a lot of heat or passion, but if there is no communication, when the pilot light goes dim there is nothing to do but sit on the porch with nothing to talk about. Circumstances can come and blow the pilot light out. It is hard to have heat when you get laid off so you will need something to bring the heat back. We need to be able to talk so that we may be able to bring the heat back on. We have to do a better job talking.
g. We need someone that is family oriented-When family or in-laws come in, you say you going up stairs until they leave. You need to look at how a person interacts with their family. Watch how they treat their mother or father. This will give you an insight on how they will treat you. For example, if you want to know how a person will treat you as a wife, look at how they treat their mom and vice versa. God brings us together, because he wants us to be family oriented.
II. Refuse to settle
1. When you raise your standards, stay true to it.
a. I will not compromise my destiny. Jeremiah 29:11says 11For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. – God has a destination for us. God created us to do something or to solve a problem. Everything you do in life must validate what God called you to do. You don’t want anybody coming into your life that will complicate that. You were already complete, so that didn’t come into your life to complete you. They came to work alongside you and you work alongside them so that your destinies join together. You shouldn’t have to give up your dreams to be with somebody.
b. I will not sacrifice my children on the altar of my relationship –Some people want to be with someone so bad that they will neglect their own children for them. Some men will neglect their children in order to be with the new woman. The women will neglect their children to be with the new man. 1 Corinthians 15:33 says 33Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners. – Bad communication corrupts good manners. Bad company makes bad character. You get around people and it causes you to do stuff you normally wouldn’t do.
c. I will not compromise my morals and convictions. Ephesians 6:13 says 13Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.- You got to have something that you stand for. Some people compromise everything just to have somebody.
d. I will not allow myself to believe that what God promised me does not exist – If God promised it to me, I believe it exists. He wouldn’t have promised it if it didn’t exist. Psalm 37:4-5 says 4Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.5Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.-It might take a while, but if you trust God, he will bring it to past.
III. Retain self control
1. If you don’t maintain self control, then you are out of control.
a. Be slow to anger – Galatians 5:23 says 23Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
Proverbs 25:28 says 28He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. – This scripture describes a person out of control. If we carry anger from other relationships and keep it pinned up, then it can bring on other stuff in future and current relationships. Ex- You fall out about orange juice being put in the refrigerator almost empty, then next thing you know it goes back to something that happened two or three yrs ago. We need to make a pact not to argue or raise your voice. The only time we should raise our voice is when there is a fire. This is self control. You will be surprised how arguing and raising your voice will affect your kids. Sometimes, when you argue, it scares your kids.
b. Must have hormone control-the church is funny. The church doesn’t like to deal with the normal psychological challenges with people. They would rather deal with topical solutions or temporary relief, rather than extraction. It’s like a toothache. Instead of going to the dentist, we grab some Orajel. We lay hands on a guy and when he gets up, he is still somebody with an underlying issue. We have to get to the root of a person’s problem. Ex- We thank God that as a man, they have the psychological issue of female attraction. This is normal. The problem is when they lust. This takes it a step further. This is sin. 1 Corinthians 6:18 says 18Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. – We must run from sin. Don’t try to confront it, just run! We must have control of our hormones.
IV. Regimen of spirituality
1. We have to have a regimen that keeps us focused.
2. Every man reading this that is married or desires to be, pay attention to this next scripture. Mark 3:27 says 27No man can enter into a strong man’s house, and spoil his goods, except he will first bind the strong man; and then he will spoil his house.- The devil wants to get men tied up and bound. 60 to70 percent of struggles that are found in a home today is often a direct result of a man being bound. Men, you have to be the Pastor of your household. Your Pastor can’t pastor your home.
a. Church Attendance together – Joshua 24:15 says 15And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. – As a wife, you shouldn’t have to drag your husband to church. You ought to be able to attend church with your mate.
b. Praying together. When you ask that person can they pray for you, and they ask for you to pray, this won’t work. You need somebody with boldness and who will call your name out before the Lord. You have to be able to cover each other. Psalm 127:1 says 1Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.
c. Developing devotion that works for you. – Sometimes your devotion might just be talking about the day and wrapping it around a scripture. You have to find out what works for your household. It doesn’t have to be so structured.
V. Recognize the need for space
“Where you going, to the store, can I go?”
1. Don’t be so clingy. Sometimes we crowd people because of our insecurities. We try to camouflage it by saying we just want to be with that person.
2. You don’t want to be with someone who does not have friends. There is a reason they don’t have friends. 1 Samuel 18:1 says 1And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.-David and Jonathan were like best friends. People need positive relationships outside relationships and marriage. Men need to have freedom to go and man up! Women need positive women time too. The keyword here is you don’t want to hang out with people that talk negative about the relationship that you are in. Men, you ought to be happy to release your wife to positive woman. A positive woman might be able to give positive advice on how to minister to you. There are things that you might not want to talk specifically about to your spouse and you need to talk to someone from the same sex that can give you realistic advice.
3. Accept the fact that you cannot be each other’s everything.
4. Space and grace- We give you the pace and the grace to have a life outside of us. You don’t have to like it, but recognize the need for it.
VI. Righteous submission
1. Take a look at how people feel about their spiritual leaders. Hebrews 13:17 says 17Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.
2. Take a look at how a person respects their elders. 1 Peter 5:5 says 5Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. – When you are in a relationship, watch how your mate handles authority and it will show if they can handle submission. If a man doesn’t do well with authority, then he is not going to keep a job long. If a woman can’t handle authority, she is not going to handle submission well. Ephesians 5:21-33 says 21Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. – There are people that have a fundamental problem with submission. Many struggle with submission. To the women, submission is not a bad thing. If your husband loves you well enough, they can love you into submission. You will find yourself submitting because you feel appreciated. Note that your husband however, has to be submitted to God. Don’t be with someone that is not submitting to God.
VII. Ready for sacrifice
1. It is an amazing thing when people come together in a relationship. It is a sacrifice. All of your DNA, all your history, and all your upbringing is inside of you. The person you come together with has the same stuff going on inside of them. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with your relationship if you bump heads every now and then. You can’t walk away from a relationship just because of that. When we enter a relationship, we unite with somebody we don’t know and as a result we have to learn each other. It is about sacrifice.
2. 3 classes of sacrifice
a. Determined-Commitment that comes from love is our responsibility.
b. Disguises- Perverted because a person has hidden agenda. They sacrifice until they get you and then after that, it’s a wrap.
c. Divine-Mandate from God. We do it because of what God’s word says.
3. 6 things that happen when you refuse to sacrifice
a. Escape my responsibility.
b. You miss God.
c. You prove to God that you cannot be trusted.
d. You live off the sacrifices of others.
e. You rob others
f. Cause others to have to make painful adjustments. They have to do things they weren’t supposed to do, trying to take up your slack.
4. 1 Corinthians 13:4 says 4Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, – Some suffering builds things. Suffering means we are willing to do the work necessary to achieve our goal. For men it means we are willing to suffer through our mate crying, when it hasn’t anything to do with us, until you are ready to talk about it. For women it means we are willing to suffer though us their husbands watching ESPN and not paying attention to you. It means we are willing to work on some things. The whole point of long suffering is you can’t just give up. All that you do in wedding should have been done because you agree to suffer long. Just because you come to a roadblock, it is not an invitation to say that you are done. Those of you who are single, make sure your anchor holds. We have incredible value and gifts and anointing on our life. You are worth the long suffering. If you are not tired of you, nobody else should be tired of you. If someone loves you, they won’t get tired of you. God got a million reasons to be tired of us, yet he is right there with us and so should our mate. Because God loves us this way, this becomes our model to show us how our mate should love us.