Relationship Ready Part I
Synopsis of Bible Study 02/04/09
Delivered by Bishop Walker III
Every relationship that you enter into begins with you. If you don’t deal with the issues within yourself your bring dysfunction to your relationship. Before you enter into a relationship, you need to ask yourself are you whole? The bible speaks of having a contrite spirit which means crushed. You need to know that God doesn’t want you to stay in this state. God wants you to have a spirit of wholeness, one that is undivided, unbroken, and complete.
22 But Jesus turned him about, and when he saw her, he said, Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole. And the woman was made whole from that hour. Matt 9:22 (KJV) –This scripture refers he woman with the issue of blood. For 12 years this woman had a constant flow of blood. You can imagine that this caused her to have physiological problems. Notice the woman has this issue for 12ys. It is important that you realize that numbers used in the bible is always significant. 12 means divine government or order. This means God was going to bring things in order for this woman. Once she arrives to Jesus, she touched the hem of his garment. By touching the hem of Jesus’ garment, she was touching something that touched him. In relationships you have to be in touch with what has touched you or effected you.
What is really important to see is the woman with issue of blood comes looking for a healing, but ends up getting wholeness. There is a physiological disorder with her that stems from her physical disorder. Her physical disorder was her bleeding out. Just like her, the church is filled with people that are bleeding out. These people are after healing, not knowing they need wholeness. These people think they just need the bleeding to stop. This is not the whole problem. Like the woman with the issue of blood, they have something inside that needs to be dealt with too. They need to be made whole. Another example is that people hook up with people after they have been hurt thinking that all they need is someone to be with. They simply want the pain to stop. The truth is they need to deal with what is inside of them. Hooking up with someone does not make you whole. It only stops the hurt. Inside you is still the pain that caused you to hurt and the damage the hurt caused. You must address the damage caused by the hurt or you will never be whole. Don’t put people in a position to do they were not designed to do. Only God can give wholeness.
7steps for gaining wholeness
I. Process the pain of your past
1. Everyone has had some type of pain. It is ok to own up to your pain. This doesn’t mean you are not spiritual.
2. Embrace the future. 13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, 14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Phil 3:13-14 (KJV). Don’t eradicate the pain of past. It is ok to remember the past so it doesn’t happen again. What this scripture means is take the power of the pain under control. Don’t let the past hinder your future. Because you have not dealt with the pain of your past, people that had nothing to do with your hurt, is paying for it. Never allow what happened to you keep you from reaching towards what God has for you Keep on reaching. Pressing simply implies discipline and work while moving past the things that are working against you.
3. Overcome guilt with grace. 1 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. Romans 8:1 (KJV), 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 (KJV) -we have to understand that we have been forgiven. 7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Tim 1:7 (KJV) -Fear and love is relational. How can you love somebody without knowing somebody? Fear then is the thing that is not the fruit of the spirit.
4. Many of our relationships are fear based. Fear of being alone, used, or abused has affected many relationships. We see people by themselves and all of a sudden they are with someone they ran into it. Fear will make you run into stuff. Fear will even cause you to have a bad time on a good day. Ex-You just feel like something is going to happen, because everything is going to good. 11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. Psalms 84:11 (KJV) -keep walking upright and stop being anxious and God will give you what he has planned for your life.
II. Discover you spiritual identity
Most of us have a representative. People don’t often meet who you are when they meet you. We always bring forth a representative and not who we really are. People often struggle with their spiritual identity. They show off what they think you want to see instead of allowing people to meet the real us.
Being sure of our spiritual identity means:
1. We know we are accepted. We know God defines us 1 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: Romans 5:1 (KJV); 19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s. 1 Cor 6:19-20 (KJV). People ought to realize who they are rejecting when they try and reject you.
2. We are secure. The pain of the past causes us to be insecure. You have to be secure with yourself before anyone else can be secure with you.
3. We are free from condemnation. 1 So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1 (NLT)
4. We are anointed. 21 It is God who gives us, along with you, the ability to stand firm for Christ. He has commissioned us, 22 and he has identified us as his own by placing the Holy Spirit in our hearts as the first installment of everything he will give us. 2 Cor 1:21-22 (NLT). Somebody fine walks in the room and women say, “She thinks she is all of that”. What is she supposed to think? Should she walk in the room with her head down? Guys are guilty too. If some big handsome guy walks in the room, they clinch their spouse or they wonder who is calling their spouse’s cell phone when it vibrates because the battery is down. We are anointed and that makes us special.
5. We are protected. When you understand how secure you are, you realize god is covering you. 15 And if we know he is listening when we make our requests, we can be sure that he will give us what we ask for. 1 John 5:15 (NLT)
6. We are significant. 10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. Eph 2:10 (KJV) We are his workmanship. God took his time preparing us and he put things inside of us too.
7. He dwells in us. 4 Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. 1 John 4:4 (KJV)
8. We must bear fruit. 2 He cuts off every branch that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. John 15:2 (NLT)
9. 14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. Psalms 139:14 (KJV)-God has fearfully and wonderfully made us. God made your head and lips like he wanted them. If someone has a problem with it, tell them to step! Everybody’s hair is not going to be long or short. We cannot spend our time trying to please others, because they can change their minds. We are not saying don’t fix yourself up. What we are saying is don’t live your life trying to be what others want you to be. Be content with yourself.
III. Develop criteria for relationships
3 kind’s relationships
• Results of common goals. Sometimes relationships develop simply because someone had something in common with you.
• Cunning. This relationship is born out of hidden agendas. They have some other motive for being with you.
• Committed relationships-There is more weight and depth in these types of relationships. These relationships are built on intimacy (in-to-me-to-see).
1. Don’t feel guilty for wanting the desires of your heart. 4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Psalms 37:4 (KJV). People should have to qualify themselves for you. We have the right to have the desires of my heart. You will only set criteria based on the value you feel you have. Ex-The value of the house determines the quality of restrictions that it takes to purchase that house. Even though we are in a recession, we have to realize that we still are expensive. Do you know who you are? Ex-Bishop explains when he met his late wife, she was a medical student and he was a student of Divinity. They met in the lobby of a hotel. The Lord blessed them to make it to the penthouse (metaphorically). They were married for 11 yrs before she passed away. Bishop said he made up in his mind that since he made it to the penthouse, he was not going back to the lobby with his next mate. He realized he wanted to stay atleast on club level. That way he knew he would at least have someone that was a registered member. Everyone good or bad hangs in the lobby. Qualify your potential mates.
2. If you hang around fools, you will become a fool. You can’t find a prince or princes if you are looking out in the field. 20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. Prov 13:20 (KJV)
3. 14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 2 Cor 6:14 (KJV) What does this mean? It simply is a statement of values and visions. To be evenly yoked means simply that you share the same values. The vision part means if you believe in working, they believe in working. If you believe in education, they believe in education. If you believe in home ownership, they believe in ownership. Too many people have Messianic Complex. Messianic comes from Messiah or savior meaning you get into a relationship thinking you can save someone. You have to be whole and they have to be whole in order for you to come together. You cannot save someone that does not want to be saved.
3 questions you should ask about relationships
1. Does this relationship honor God?
2. Does this relationship bring me closer to God?
1. Will godly people approve of it?
IV. Develop a discipline life.
This is hard to work in. You have to be discipline to be in marriage.
When you try to become discipline, you must:
1. Have mental resolve. 2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Romans 12:2 (KJV) We have got to let some things go in our minds. For some it is to let the player go. For others it may be gambling. For others it might simply mean letting go of the things that happened in the past.
2. Got to have psychological restraint. 1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. Psalms 1:1 (KJV) You have to have boundaries set for yourself because you know you. If you think about it, a lot of problems we got into in the past were tied to where we were. Ex-Water can not break concrete, but a constant drip in the same spot over a period of time can cause concrete to erode and eventually break down. Some people think moving is the answer to their restrain problem, but when you move, there is one problem. You will still be there. You have to learn to restrain yourself. 7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7 (KJV)
3. Got to have a righteous regimen. 1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. 2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. Psalms 1:1-2 (KJV) Set up a regimen that promotes Godly principles.
V. Pursue God’s propose for your life.
1. God has some awesome things he wants to do in our life. 11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jer 29:11 (KJV)
2. God said be fruitful and multiply. 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. 28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. Gen 1:27-28 (KJV). 8 Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples. John 15:8 (KJV)-bear much fruit.
3. Get an education for yourself. Pursue the stuff that you want. You got to aggressively pursue your dreams.
4. Acquire assets while you are single, before you enter relationships. Get a house in your own name; get your own credit, etc…Men: this is why you want women who have their own stuff before you get with someone. You can end up getting put out of your own house.
5. What about love? There are 3 reasons relationships don’t last. They are communication, money, and lack of sex. You need a help meet. You need somebody to help meet you and make the relationship successful. You got to come to the table whole.
VI. Expect growth to intimidate and eliminate.
Air gets thinner the more you grow. Some folk will just be intimidated by you as you grow. 1 And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. 2 And Saul took him that day, and would let him go no more home to his father’s house. 3 Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. 4 And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle. 5 And David went out whithersoever Saul sent him, and behaved himself wisely: and Saul set him over the men of war, and he was accepted in the sight of all the people, and also in the sight of Saul’s servants. 6 And it came to pass as they came, when David was returned from the slaughter of the Philistine, that the women came out of all cities of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet king Saul, with tabrets, with joy, and with instruments of musick. 7 And the women answered one another as they played, and said, Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands. 8 And Saul was very wroth, and the saying displeased him; and he said, They have ascribed unto David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed but thousands: and what can he have more but the kingdom? 9 And Saul eyed David from that day and forward. 1 Sam 18:1-9 (KJV)-Saul was Jelous of David because the song said boasted that David slayed more people than him; 18 Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. 19 Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily. 20 But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost. 21 And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins. Matt 1:18-21 (KJV)-Joseph was blessed enough to know he was blessed enough to walk by his wife knowing that what was inside her was bigger than him. Some men are intimidated because their wife makes more money than them, but men have to know they are blessed and fortunate enough to have the privilege to walk beside what is bigger than them.
VII. Be complete in Christ
We are complete in him. 10 And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power: Col 2:9-10 (KJV). We have everything we need in Christ; 11 Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little. Phil 4:11 (NLT)-We are cool where we are. We are cool by our self. If you are alone but whole, you are better than some people that are in relationships. Don’t be a 1/2 looking for another 1/2 to complete you. Know who you are. If Jesus is everything to you, let him be everything. Stop playing yourself!