Series Title: Overcoming Toxic Relationships
Part 2: Understanding the Hurt and Hindrances in Your Own House
Joseph and His Brothers
Synopsis of Bible Study 08/08/18
Genesis 50:20 says “20 But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.”
- Relationship hurt is one of the most heartbreaking things you can ever experience in life. The pain of relationships can introduce you to a level of hurt beyond your human comprehension. You find yourself asking the following questions:
- “Why did they do it?”
- “Why me?”
- “What is it about me that causes them to do this to me?”
- “Is there something wrong with me?”
- “Why now?”
- There’s nothing more painful than receiving a hurt from your own house. Even if you try and distance yourselves from the family member, your path has to still cross at times. At the very least, you have to attend family functions.
- There is a lot of brokenness found in family hurt.
- Psalm 34:18 (NKJV) says 18 The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as [a]have a contrite spirit. – God is right there and has a remedy for you. God does not want you to stay in that place that you are.
- Cutting ties with your families members is not impossible nor is it against biblical principles.
- In the bible, Leban and Jacob went their separate ways.
- Genesis 31:49 (NKJV) 49 also Mizpah,[a] because he said, “May the Lord watch between you and me when we are absent one from another. –
- In the bible, Leban and Jacob went their separate ways.
II. The Cost of Favor
A. The coat of anointing is attractive and costly
- Joseph’s father gave him a coat of many colors. This coat represented Joseph’s anointing. The coat of anointing is attractive, but it is
- Genesis 37:1-3 (NKJV) 37 Now Jacob dwelt in the land where his father was a [a]stranger, in the land of Canaan. 2 This is the history of Jacob. Joseph, being seventeen years old, was feeding the flock with his brothers. And the lad was with the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father’s wives; and Joseph brought a bad report of them to his father. 3 Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age. Also he made him a tunic of many colors.- As a father, Jacob had love for all of his kids, but he saw something special inside o Joseph.
- The coat he gave Joseph was to mark the favor that rested upon him. Whether you know it or not, you have a coat on you, when favor/anointing is upon you.
- When you walk in a new space and people don’t like you, it is because of the coat that is on you.
- You must know that you must wear your coat.
- Often people miss that you are more than the coat that they see on you. Psalm 90:17 (NKJV) 17 And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us, And establish the work of our hands for us; Yes, establish the work of our hands
- People often look at what is on you externally and they think if they take it, it takes the anointing off of you. This is not true. When favor is on you, it’s on you.
B. Those closest to you will not always celebrate your dreams
- In ancient times, dreams were often associated with messages from deities. Joseph was a dreamer and he had dreams that would give insight to the future of Israel; however, his dreams were not welcomed by his brothers.
- Joseph was a dreamer. His dreams wasn’t welcomed by his brothers. This made them hate him even more.
- Joseph had a problem. He was a dreamer.
- Dream one – The first dream was the sheaves. They bowed down. Genesis 37:6-8 (NKJV) 6 So he said to them, “Please hear this dream which I have dreamed: 7 There we were, binding sheaves in the field. Then behold, my sheaf arose and also stood upright; and indeed your sheaves stood all around and bowed down to my sheaf.” 8 And his brothers said to him, “Shall you indeed reign over us? Or shall you indeed have dominion over us?” So they hated him even more for his dreams and for his words. – Joseph told his brothers that they would have to bow down to him one day. They hated him for this.
- Dream two –Genesis 37:9-11 (NKJV) 9 Then he dreamed still another dream and told it to his brothers, and said, “Look, I have dreamed another dream. And this time, the sun, the moon, and the eleven stars bowed down to me.” 10 So he told it to his father and his brothers; and his father rebuked him and said to him, “What is this dream that you have dreamed? Shall your mother and I and your brothers indeed come to bow down to the earth before you?” 11 And his brothers envied him, but his father kept the matter in mind.– In Joseph’s dream, the moon and stars bowed down to him. This meant that even Joseph’s parents would have to bow to him. His father rebuked him for this dream, but he kept the matter in his mind. Joseph’s brothers hated him even more for this dream.
- You have to keep your dreams to yourselves sometimes.
- The more you tell a hater about your dreams, the more they envy you, because it reminds them of what they are not doing.
- Some people don’t have the capacity to share your dreams. You got to know who to share your dreams with and when to share them.
- Don’t underestimate the level of pain your family can cause you. The pain from your own house is deep, but God can still heal it.
III. The conflict with Family
A. Don’t’ underestimate the level of pain your family can cause you.
- Psalm 147:3 (NKJV) 3 He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their [a]wounds.- The Binding of wounds. This doesn’t mean God will immediately erase all the pain in you. God heals the brokenhearted And binds up their [a]wounds- Let’s look at the first part, the broken hearted. Ex-Ever broke a bone? Just like the doctor, God gives you a cast to keep the broken place still, so that it will heal properly.
- God needs you to be still so you can heal properly. If we keep running all over the place while we are broken, just like the broken bone, we might heal, but heal crooked.
- The stuff in your family is so deep, you might be healed, but you’ve got to be healed properly.
- You’ve got to be honest about your hurts.
Reasons family hurt can be so painful:
- We think our family member will be here unconditionally. We expect people in the street to do us wrong, but we never expect it from family.
- Shared history gives our siblings an unending supply of embarrassing moments in our childhood. Some people can tease you and tease you causing more and more hurt.
- Family members tend to depend on each other for support, advice, and finance, but they never help you.
- We tend to distance ourselves less from family members when they hurt us compared to our friends.
Common aspects of hurtful family environments
- Aggression – If I got to fight at home and work too, then that’s too much fighting.
- Lack of affection – Stop marrying people and afterwards, shutting down the shop.
- If a man or women leaves for work and they are full, they are less likely to stop by McDonalds, Krystals, or Wendys on the way. (You’ll catch this later on…)
- Neglect – Includes not ignoring the other. Even your children, don’t need to be neglected. If you don’t pay attention to you loved one, they will get attention somewhere else. There is someone always waiting for an opportunity to step in.
- Violence – You have the responsibility to report abuse in your house.
B. Family hurt may be damaging to your heart, but it won’t delay God’s plan
- Joseph was hurt by his brothers, but it did not hinder God’s plan for him.
- Romans 8:28 (NKJV) says 28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.- Sometimes it can be hard to deal with family hurt.
- Remember 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (NKJV) says 8 We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed—
IV. The Conviction of Faith
A. God will call you to help the ones who hated you
- The fact that you are here today is evidence that God is at work in your life.
- Job 16:6 (NKJV) 6 “Though I speak, my grief is not relieved; And if I remain silent, how am I eased?- We need to notice that after suffering hurt that was supposed to hinder him, Joseph kept his integrity. You have to continue being yourself, even though you are hurt.
- After many years, Joseph had to face his brothers again. The same brothers that tried to harm him, had to later face him.
- Years later, Pharaoh asked Joseph to interpret his dreams. When Joseph interpreted Pharaoh’s dream, Joseph told him that it meant that there would be 7 yrs of famine and then 7 yrs of plenty.
- Joseph was elevated after interpreting the dream. During the 7 yrs of plenty, bread was stored. When the famine came, people had to come and see Joseph to get food.
- During the famine, guess who had to come and get food from Joseph? You guessed it. Joseph’s brothers had to come to him for the
- Jacob sent Joseph’s brothers to Egypt to get bread, not knowing who was handing it out?
- Matthew 5:44 (NKJV) says 44 [a]But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,– We can’t come down from what God’s words says. Joseph was second in power to Pharaoh. You don’t use your place of elevation for a moment of retaliation.
B. You don’t get to choose who receives the bread of blessing
- You can prevent somebody from getting a blessing, just because of what they have done to you.
- Hebrews 10:30 (NKJV) 30 For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” [a]says the Lord. And again, “The Lord will judge His people.”,
- Luke 6:27-28 (NKJV) 27 “But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you.
- Proverbs 25:21-22 (NKJV) 21 If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat; And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink; 22 For so you will heap coals of fire on his head, And the Lord will reward you., – Go on a bless them that have done you wrong!
- You make them feel worse, because of your kindness. You do not have to retaliate.
- When you see Joseph elevated, you can only imagine what Joseph was thinking when he saw them.
- Psalm 23:5 (NKJV) 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over.- Look at Joseph’s elevation. What do you do, when your own family who did you wrong, come to a place where they have to beg for your help?
- Our response should always be this. Genesis 50:19-20 (NKJV) 19 Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? 20 But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. – In other words, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for my good. Stop trying to get even and watch how God will bless you.