Are you relationship ready Part 4, “So you want to be married” Sermon 2.17.10

“So you want to be married”
Synopsis of bible study 2.17.10
A lot of people are syndical about marriage. Most single people will tell you that they have anxiety about marriage, because most of the married people that they talk to are trying to get out of their marriage. This creates an unusual paradox, because you have one group of folk trying to get out of something and another group of folk trying to get into it. Bishop explains that in his study for this subject he stumbled across something. Columnist Mike Royko from the Chicago Tribune had proposed the following warning to be placed on every marriage license issued in the United States. He suggested that at the bottom of your marriage license there would something that said “Warning, use this at your own peril. The Census Bureau statistics say using this license could be real dangerous to your future mental, physical, and financial health. It can make you miserable for the rest of your natural life if you live that long. It could lead to arguing, yelling, screaming, boozing, sulking, receiving the silent treatment, a bunch of kids that are goofed up, and making you feel guilty (paraphrasing)”. This is a very interesting way to look at marriage.
It is amazing though, because a lot of people have a very dim view of marriage. You must know that marriage is a wonderful institution with the right person. This is why if you are single, you need to be very sure that when you come to the altar; you need to be sure that you are with the right person. If you are already married, it is important that you really work on yourself and that you believe that God is able to do in your marriage the kind of miracle work that needs to be done to bring about a healthy relationship. 1 Corinthians 7:5 says 5Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. Her Paul is talking to this church and he is dealing with doctrinal relationships. Verse 5 is talking about spiritual relationships.
I. Spiritual Relationships
When Paul says defraud ye not one another except it be with consent (in verse 5), he is talking about how marriage is under attack and because of it, you have to guard yourself. Those of you that are in healthy relationships and those relationships that have direction, it is important to know the following facts. The devil attacks marriages and he does so in a manner that assures us that we must always be on guard. 1 Peter 5:8 says 8Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: – This scripture says you ought to be vibrant and vigilant. Your adversary the devil is as a roaring lion. He is a stalker. He stalks walking about seeking whom he may devour. The devil is like a lion that looks out upon the prey and picks out those who are weak.
What is important in the marriage is having.
a. The right attitude. We have to make certain that in the relationship, we are not critical of our spouse in every area. We have to be sure that we are not a hateful person or not a smart mouth person. This kind of attitude gives Satan a foothold in the relationship and can produce resentment in a person’s heart and that person’s heart can turn from flesh to stone. Many of you now know that you have a problem restraining your tongue. When you get angry you just speak what is on your mind, not realizing how that impacts your relationship. Some people think “Whatever comes up comes out!” Well this is a problem. This creates stress and strain within your relationship. Colossians 4:6 says Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man. – In other words, there is a way to say something. You can do it with grace, yet be stern. You have to be able to say it in a way that is graceful. Ex- Many years ago, Bishop fired somebody and the Spirit of the Lord led him to do it so graceful that they left Bishop’s office thinking they were going back to work. They went back telling everyone that it was a great meeting. They didn’t even realize that they were fired, because it was done so gracefully. When you spread salt, people ought not to realize they have been cut until they get home. You have to know how to gracefully share things with people. Do it in a way where you are stern but you are not disrespectful. It is about attitude. It is about how you speak to one another. It is about the thing that you say. Your attitude leads to your actions.
b. Actions- What happens often times is resentment sets in, because our actions say we can’t talk to you or that you are unreasonable so consequently we lose our self in our work and in our hobbies. This creates tension and as a result distance starts coming in and we start taking each other for granted. This opens up wounds that are very hard to heal. Many of us reading this today walk in situations where people are literally giving each the cold shoulder. They are just together to be together, but there is nothing positive taking place.
We are going to discuss 6 myths in marriage and as you go through them, try to find out where you are.
6 myths in marriage
1. You should read my mind-It is impossible for your mate to be able to read your mind. You change your mind to much for somebody to be able to read your mind. Communicate about what you are thinking. You can’t live in a presumptuous relationship. If you go through your relationship trying to allow your mate to read your mind, before long you will be into it because they read your mind wrong. Nobody on this planet can read your mind
2. Intimacy and sex are the same. Men will use sex to fulfill their needs. If he hurts he wants sex and if he is not hurt, he wants it too. You have to be careful with sex, because the more the husband focuses on the frequency of the sex, the more he feels like you are a sex object. The need for sex in the marriage should be a response to the closeness in the relationship, not the need for closeness. When we use sex to try and bring us closer it makes us end up in dysfunction. For some reason, we think we can get somebody to get into us through sex. This is what happened to Leah in Genesis 29. Our sex and intimacy should be a response to how much we love each other.
3. I can treat you any way I want. Just because you love somebody don’t mean you can abuse them and talk to them any kind of way. We have these parental relationships in our relationships. In other words we try to parent the other person in the relationship. We try and talk to our mate like they are a minor when they are already grown up. This is unhealthy.
4. I have a right to fix you. Unrequested criticism even if this seems warranted, is not appropriate! You come into a dating relationship and there can be fundamental things that are wrong with you, but they may be things that make up who you are. You bring these things to your marriage. Your spouse should know these things about you in the very beginning. They should know the “you” that they are getting. There are some things about you that you ought to be able to own. In other words “This is just who I am” Ex- . We might not be a morning person or we are not a neat person or we don’t like clubbing. When you marry a person, you should know this instead of having to change it after you are married. If you knew this about a person, then you shouldn’t try to change it, because you had a choice before you married them and you chose to marry them anyway.
5. Love is a feeling. – This is what we say about love. “Girl I am feelin her”. Then when you fall in love you say, “I never felt that way before”. Feel me? The truth is you told everyone you dated that you felt that way. Love is not just based on a feeling. There will be days you will wake up and say “God why has though forsaken me”: That day is going to come. It has to be more than just love. Some days you won’t feel like loving, but you have to be lovable.
6. You have to tell it all. Some women say they want to tell their husband all of the past issues that they have ever had, because they want to get everything out in the open. There is a small problem with this. Trust me; your husband is not thinking of this as being a good idea. We believe in transparency in marriage, but in some cases your spouse might not be able to handle everything that you might tell them. A word of advice. Only share the things that will build and edify the relationship. If it is not going to build or edify the relationship, then keep it to yourself. Women, the things that you tell your husband can change the way that they view you forever. Some of you may have contributed to your husband’s exit strategy.
II. A word concerning their sexual relationship
In marriage there should be sex. There is a word to the waiting. -1 Corinthians 7:1-2 says 1Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
a. A word to the waiting. Paul is dealing with celibacy. Touch in the previous scripture doesn’t refer to casual contact. This word (touch) refers to that which stimulates. When you are single, you should be fully devoted to God. 1 Corinthians 7:32 says 32But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: – In otherwords, if you are single, focus on pleasing God and that will be enough to keep you busy.
1 Corinthians 7:33 says 33But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. – If you are married you should be focused on pleasing your wife or your husband.
1. Know that sensual desires are not evil.-Every male or female possess sexual desires. There is nothing wrong with having a sexual desire, but we must keep it in its proper context.
2. Sensual Expression outside the marriage relationship is evil- When you are touched; you bring different spirits into the marriage. This action causes you to bring an expectation of marriage that is based on previous relationships. What you are doing is you begin measuring the effectiveness of your sexual relationship in the marriage based on what you had with the people you cheated with. You can’t expect your mate to be like those you cheated with. You have to develop a healthy sexual relationship within your marriage yourself.
b. A word to the wedded. 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 says 3Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
1. There is a debt- That debt suggest that there is a sexual fulfillment within marriage. The way which we render benevolence is a command, not an option. The word render is a verb. As a verb, it is in the present tense. This implies that there is a continual action, suggesting the debt is never paid. One problem many have is that they have fully paid their debt off so to speak. This debt of benevolence is supposed to be a continual debt. Render also suggests that both partners are responsible to make sure this comes to past.
2. There’s is devotion. 1 Corinthians 7:4 says 4The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. – The wife doesn’t’ have power over her body, nor does the husband. You lose control over your body when you get married. This doesn’t mean one has the right to make the other into a slave, but it does mean that you do not have the option to hold back or withhold from your mate.
3. There is a demand. 1 Corinthians 7:5 says 5Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. – Don’t deprive each other of what is rightly your spouses’. You can consent for a time like for fasting. Don’t deprive your spouse of what is theirs using it as a bargaining chip. When you deprive your mate, you open the door for satanic attack.
III. A word concerning the special relationship
a. There must be closeness. Benevolence deals with affections and good will. In marriage you have to feel that a person has your best interest at heart. When you marry somebody, you become vulnerable. When you sleep next to person that doesn’t have your best interest at heart, you might wake up without something. On the other hand, you could also wake up with something if you know what I mean. Our relationship should be about the following statement, “I enjoy being with you”.
b. There must be communication. How many of you reading this is an “A type” personality? This simply means that you are a strong headed person. If you are in relationship with another “A type” then you can have heated and confrontational conversations. In those relationships, you feel like if you listen, you surrender your opinion.
c. Concentrate on this word. The word is “Listen”. Now look at the word “Silent”. Try and match each letter that you find in the word silent with letters found in the word listen and see how many you can find. If you haven’t noticed by now, the same letters found in silent our found in listen. They are the same letters in a different order. It doesn’t mean you are not empowered just because you listen. In order for relationship to have proper communication, somebody has to say they will listen.
d. The true idea of marriage is to give and give. Your relationship should add value to you. If you are married, you need to pray in this area. Marriage should be two ways and not just unilateral. There has to be teamwork involved in marriage.

“8 keys to a great marriage
1. Pray together daily if your spouse is willing. You can’t pray with somebody that is not willing to pray. For example after an argument. Ask yourself do you pray together daily. Psalm 127:1 says 1Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.
2. Focus on changing yourself. The vast majority of us think the problem is with the other person. You see a lot of this when Pastors are counseling their members. If you have been in 8 relationships this year, it is a good possibility that you have some fault too. Matthew 7:3 says 3And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? How willing are we to do self asessment.
3. Throw yourself into your marriage. Are you all the way in? Are you all the way committed? Do something every day that will bless your spouse. Colossians 3:23 says 23And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;
4. Forgive your spouse. Colossians 3:13 says 13Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. – Don’t let bitterness and resentment grow. Women and men view forgiveness different. Ex – Men say, “What did I do? I am sorry. Are we straight? Cool.” and then we leave and go watch TV. Women’s forgiveness is not like that at all. It can be 3 months up the road and they will just stop talking. Men, we will say, “What’s wrong?” and they will say “Nothing is wrong” and really something is wrong. When a woman is being transgressed by us (men), it reminds them of all the other men that transgressed them, so when we say we are sorry, it sounds like they excuses that those other men gave them. Most of men’s pain is from jobs, money etc… Most all women’s pain came from some man.
5. Serve your spouse. Ask what is important to them. Galatians 5:13 says 13For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.- Discuss her fears, hopes, and dreams. Give her the reassurance she needs. Be romantic throughout the day in non sexual ways. Women, express admiration for your husband. Let him make mistakes without saying, “I told you so”. Let him get lost on the trip without you saying anything and let him find his own way. Voice appreciation for what he does. Show some interest in sex when you are married (Both men and women).
6. Speak lovingly and respectfully. There is power in words. Proverbs 25:11 says 11A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.-Words can build up and they can tear down. Learn how to speak in a loving way. Ephesians 4:29 says 29Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.- Stop all that cursing.
7. Talk together regularly. You should be able to talk about things without it costing them. Proverbs 27:6 says 6Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. – You ought to want your mate to tell you their likes and dislikes, but you should want them to do so in a tasteful way.
8. Fan the flames of your romance. When you get married, you have to get creative or you will fall into a rut with the same old routine. Song of Solomon 7:11-12 says 11Come, my beloved, let us go forth into the field; let us lodge in the villages. 12Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine flourish, whether the tender grape appear, and the pomegranates bud forth: there will I give thee my loves.- Have a picnic in the middle of the day. Don’t get caught up in the same routine. The element of surprise should always be there.

In conclusion:
In this series we have been trying to help you with your relationships. Know that you are extraordinary and God joined you with another extraordinary person. They will have flaws and so will you. You have to be willing to work on those things. There are things that you will have to accept, but keep your standards high. Know that what you are looking for is looking for you. Don’t live in the unrealistic state of thinking you are perfect. Bishop explains that he had a friend that he hadn’t heard from in years. She thought she was Miss Perfect back in the day. One day she called Bishop he asked her how she had been and he asked her was she dating anybody that he knew? She told him no. She said she wanted to send him a recent picture of her. Bishop told her to go ahead, because he would love to see her. Bishop received the picture of his friend and it was of her looking like a skeleton sitting on the bench all alone. There was a caption under the picture that said, “Waiting on the perfect man”. Just like this, many of you will be waiting on the perfect person that doesn’t exist. You won’t meet the perfect person, because you are not perfect. Focus on your relationship with God, your relationship with yourself, and ask the Lord to prepare you for whoever he has for your life. If we are already with that person, then ask the Lord to help you be the best husband or wife you can be. Ask him to mold you so you can be with them, because you know he had to mold them in order for them to be with you.
God Bless!

Are you realtionship ready Part 3, “Tools for a successful marriage”, Bible Study 02/10/2010

Are you relationship ready Part 3
Tools for a successful marriage
Synopsis of Bible Study 02/10/10
Delivered by Bishop Walker
God has a plan for the Christian home. In the Christian home, it is important that both people in relationship are under the headship of Jesus Christ, in order to have a healthy relationship. Unless you have on fire relationship with Jesus Christ, the flames will go out. The relationship you have with God is what keeps your relationship vibrant.
I. Have to be certain of your salvation.
1. Both people in the relationship must be saved. This is not just coming to church. It is having an authentic relationship with Jesus Christ. We have to make sure we are equally yoked with someone that is saved. If not, our relationship is out of balance. 2 Peter 1:10 says 10Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall:-You need to be certain of your election or salvation. Know that you are saved.
a. Examine yourselves. 2 Corinthians 13:5 says 5Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates? -You have a relationship with God. You should be sure of your salvation. Many have made this statement, “I know this is the one God sent to me”. How can you be certain about something like this and not be sure of your salvation? We are not perfect, but we thank God that we have been redeemed from the hand of the enemy. When you are looking to be in relationship with someone, don’t just ask if they go to church. Ask them are they saved.
b. Be clean from all sin. Proverbs 28:13 says 13He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.-If you confess your sins, you will have mercy. Un-confessed sin brings about cover-ups in relationships. You are an extraordinary person. Each person will bring their own sin and nature to the relationship. There are a lot of things that you have done that you need forgiveness for, prior to getting into a relationship. If you are not cleansed of your sin, it can cause the relationship to be one birth in a great cover-up. Ex- When Adam and Eve were in the garden, God said they could have anything they wanted except for that one tree. Eve eats the forbidden fruit and gave it to Adam and he ate too. Adam and Eve were naked the whole time and were not ashamed. After eating the fruit, sin came in and suddenly they were ashamed of their nakedness. Sin makes you shameful. It makes you cover-up. Who wants to be in a marriage filled with cover-ups? You need to confess that sin! We got issues that need to be dealt with. We don’t need to be in relationship where we always have to cover things up. 1 John 1:9 says 9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. – If we must be cleansed from unrighteousness, then unrighteousness must stain us. Everything that we don’t get cleansed from leave s a stain. What happens is this. It is like we put on more layers of clothing to cover up the stains, but underneath the layers, we are still stained. The grime and stains underneath the layers of clothing eventually make us become smelly. This is why we need the Lord to cleanse us from this. God will take your stain away and when you show up to your relationship, it will be just like you never did it. What can make us whole again? Nothing but the blood of Jesus. What can wash away our sins? Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
James 5:16 says 16Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availed much. – In a marriage relationship, there must be some transparency. Once you confess your sins from what you did you are free. If you confess your sins to your mate and feel the vulnerability coming up in that area again, then your spouse can pray for you. If you cover it up, you are just exposed. You may be healed when you share those intimate details. Note: When your spouse shares those intimate details with you, don’t beat them up with those details. Ex- Why you feeling vulnerable? Am I not enough for you?
c. Be committed to your savoir. In our worship life, we want to be committed. Ephesians 5:19-21 says 19Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; 20Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; 21Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.-A person that is a true worshiper doesn’t have to worship God confined to a church building. They can worship anywhere. Never enter a relationship with a person that will not worship God. If a person will not reverence their creator, what makes you think they will appreciate or honor you? Our worship should not be hinged to somebody calling us to worship. We don’t come to church to worship. We come to church worshipping.
i. In your work life. Ephesians 6:5 says 5Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ. – I honor authority on my job. I don’t do it not to suck up; I do this because it is an honor to have a job. If we are committed to God, everything we put a hand must be done well.
ii. In your war life. Ephesians 6:11 says 11Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.- Single people have a certain naivety when it comes to relationships. Married people will tell you, no matter how saved you are, somebody within the relationship will act a fool. If you live in the same house with the same person long enough, something is bound to jump off. The question is how will you respond? The answer is with our war life. When we go to bed, we war with them with prayer. We will take authority over the situation, because we are a warrior. When we war with the devil, we are letting the devil know, that we will stand against everything that comes against us (our relationship). When situations come, we don’t buckle. When your spouse acts a fool, you wait until they go to bed and pray over them in the name of Jesus. When you are warring, you draw the line in the sand and let the devil know that you are willing to fight for what’s yours.
iii. In your wedded life. Ephesians 5:22-33 says 22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. – How do you perceive being married? There are people that are so in love with idea of being married; they don’t know what being married really is. They are fascinated more with the things that are involved in the wedding. They think that once the preacher says you are now pronounced man and wife, they will both change inside. The truth is nothing really changes but your jewelry. You are the same people inside. If you will notice at the wedding where Jesus turned water into wine, Jesus didn’t just come to the wedding. Jesus came to the marriage. John 2:1-2: 1And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there: 2And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage.
2. This means we need to be committed to our spouse. Ephesians 5:31 31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. – Know that your parents don’t have a vote in your house. If you are about to get married and you can’t get a place of your own together, then you need to wait. If you go under parent’s roof, then you are subject to their rule. When you come together with your spouse, you have to break away from the influence of your parent’s finances. When a father is walking his daughter down the aisle to be married, he is thinking that she is about to come out of his pocket and get into her husband’s. As a man, you are supposed to be able to take care of your wife. Ex- Ex-Bishop explains that he has a rule in his house. No matter how much distress his sisters may be in, he won’t do anything as long as they got a man in the house. Bishop says he is too much man to be taking care of another man. Real men know how to hold it down.
II. Gods plan for the Christian husband.
1. We must be a leader. The man is responsible for the leadership in his home. He has to be the one to say we are going to church. He is the one that sets climate as leader. He must be a leader. Ephesians 5:25 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; – This is where agape love comes from. Women, your husband should love you so much, he thinks about you first (before himself). He should be steadfast and consistent. He loves you so much; you are like a woman that was mentioned in Solomon. She was loved so much that she was sick of love. Your husband should love you so much; you make others sick talking about it.
2. He must be a laborer. Ephesians 5:28 28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. – He is willing to put in the work in to make the marriage work. If a man loves his body, he puts work in it to make his body work. Even if it takes watching the Lifetime channel for 30 minutes in the name of making it work, they are willing to do so.
3. He should be a protector. Ephesians 5:23 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. – One of the top things a women looks for in a man is security. Men must create a safe environment. The wife should feel safe, because her husband made some provisions to make the family secure in their absence (such as: life insurance, savings, and etc…).
4. He should be pro-active- Ephesians 5:25 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; – God reconciled us back to himself. In relationships, husbands will sometimes have to make the first move after an argument. You have to get to a point that you recognize that you may have to be the one that makes the first move. You have to be the one that softens the issue.
5. He should be precise – Ephesians 5:28 28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. -He realizes the need of the spouse. Men need to learn how to minister to their wives. Ex- Men, when you wish your wife would fix her hair up a little bit, don’t just say, “I wish you would get your hair fixed”. Take a different approach. Get a pass to a spare for her. You never how much that will bless you between the time you give it to her and bedtime.
6. He must be a provider- Ephesians 5:29 29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: – Men, we have to meet our spouses needs. We must provide for her. You need to assure your wife that she married someone that can hold it down. Tell her you want let her drive a dirty car and wash her car for her.
7. He is to nourish her- A good husband should help his wife reach her full potential. Encourage her to go after her goals. A good husband is not intimidated by his spouse making more money than him.
8. He is to cherish- A good husband should make his wife feel wanted. Men, do you know that look you gave her when you first fell in love with her? Now we find ourselves not noticing things about her like when she gets a new hairdo, or new shoes, or new clothes. This action leaves your wife open, because she longs for that attention. As a result, when somebody at work gives her that compliment, she feels bubbly. A woman wants to feel like she still has it. Remind her that she is still your queen.
a. Women, remember that men are not wired like you are. For husbands, sex is the main event. Women think about the chocolates they were given and the nice candlelight dinner they were given, but the truth of the matter is the man is watching his watch and waiting for the main event. Women, remember that flannel doesn’t work out well for the main event. Ex- It’s like when you go to see boxing. They put on the undercard fights first and though they are intriguing, you are waiting for the main event. This note is for the men. The most disappointing thing that can happen is for you to finally get to the main event and the fighter goes down in the first round. Men, this may be something that you will get on the way home.
III. Gods plan for the Christian helpmeet
1. Submission is a military word referring to rank. It is a voluntary attitude for cooperation. God ordained submission, because he wanted there to be order in the home. Under submission, we as a couple talk about things together at home and then the man goes out and represents. He speaks on behalf of the family.
a. A word about respect- There is nothing truer than knowing that a man likes having his ego stroked. Lots of men don’t know what they can offer some women. A man has to feel needed. Women, God desires for you to be covered. If you want a family or children, you need a man. You are not the virgin marry. It is true that the woman should be complete before she gets with a man, but know that your husband needs to feel needed. Women, lift your husband up. Validate your man. Though we may be macho on the outside, we are a little boy that needs ego stroking on the inside.
b. A word about realization.
i. It honors God.- When you submit, it honors God
ii. The husband will answer for the home. – When Eve blew it in the Garden, God came looking for Adam. Genesis 3:8-9 says 8And they heard the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God amongst the trees of the garden. 9And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?
2. Submission cannot be forced. Women, watch out for that Jezebel Spirit. When you have other friends criticizing you for fixing your spouse’s plate, ask them who are they fixing a plate for? Don’t use what you have to manipulate. Submission should not be forced. Remember Gods law always supersedes that of your husbands.
3. 5 must haves in a healthy relationship.
a. Self validation- We must affirm ourselves. We are cool with ourselves even if others are not. We have to be willing to validate ourselves.
b. Shared values- You have to have similar values when you connect with someone.
c. Submitted vessels- We are a conduit which God uses to bless the world.
d. Support each other’s vision. God brings our visions together and we support each other’s vision.
e. Spiritually victorious-A person that know Christ can look at a situation such a spouse laid off and the lights getting cut off, and they can light some candles and assure the other person that they will make it through this. They spread positive things. Watch people and how they handle crises. Sometimes you are gong to be weak and you need somebody around you that is strong. Ex- Imagine that your house catches on fire. Just because tragedy comes you don’t have to break down. Spiritually Victorious means this: If you are on hospital bed and the one you have chosen to be with is standing by that bed and then doctor comes in with bad news. Would you be comfortable allowing that person standing by your bedside to pray for you?

Are you relationship essentials, Bible Study 2/03/10

Are you relationship ready Pt 2
7 Principles of relationship essentials
Synopsis of Bible Study 2.3.10
Delivered by Bishop Walker III

I. Raise your standards
1. Learn the power of raising your standard. You can only receive what you expect to receive. If your standards are low, you will attract low people.
a. Want somebody that is Saved-You need to have somebody that is saved, if you want a relationship that will last. 1 Timothy 2:3-4 says 3For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Saviour; 4Who will have all men to be saved, and to come unto the knowledge of the truth.- We are saved but we are evolving and growing. We are coming into this knowledge of truth.
Amos 3:3 says 3Can two walk together, except they be agreed?,
2 Corinthians 6:14 says 14Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? – It is important that a person has a relationship with Jesus Christ, especially one that you consider to be in relationship with. If you are already married to a person, you ought to want to raise your standards and see the importance of being saved. When we are saved and go to bed, we know angels watch over us. When the other person in the relationship is not saved, we don’t know what is watching over them. Don’t have a messianic complex. This is going into a relationship thinking that you can save somebody. You can’t save anybody. They have to have a relationship with Jesus Christ for themselves. You can be friends with a person that needs saving and you can help them, but it is not healthy to be in relationship with them.
b. Want somebody filled with the spirit-Can be lead by my own account, but what is important; I must be filled with the spirit. Ephesians 5:17says 17Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.- You ought to want to be in relationship with people who want to do what God’s will is. When a person is spirit lead, they make good decisions. They are not led by their emotions. Instead they are led by their convictions.
c. Want to be in relationship with someone who is progressive thinking- When you are a progressive thinker, you can get real agitated with someone that doesn’t think outside of the box. If we got to bring a person out of yesterday into today, then they are already two days behind. You got to have people who are trend setters.
d. Want someone that has a desire to be employed- There are people that don’t have jobs by no fault of their own. This is understandable, however, people that don’t have a job ought to have a desire to have one. I person that doesn’t have a desire to work is a deal breaker. This is about a person’s character. Proverbs 22:29 (NIV) says 29 Do you see a man skilled in his work? He will serve before kings; he will not serve before obscure men. – This type of person who searches for opportunities.
Proverbs 12:11 says 11He that tilleth his land shall be satisfied with bread: but he that followeth vain persons is void of understanding.-We need somebody who works. We need a harvest. We don’t need people that are always saying they are trying to put something together. This is fantasy. Fantasies are not going to pay NES. While you are putting things together, this brings frustration into the relationship. There should be no job that is beneath you other than those that compromise your convictions.
e. Personal Hygiene-Raise your standard! People ought to take care of themselves. They ought to appreciate things like soap, groomed hair, toothpaste, and etc… 1 Corinthians 6:20 says 20For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s. – We need to glorify God with our body. You got to learn how to take care of yourself. Don’t’ just throw something on when you go out. If something happens, the camera will be on you.
f. Communication- You ought to want to have someone that has an appreciation for the English language. You ought to want to be with someone that is well rounded and be able to talk on several different subjects. People are not interested in taking people somewhere and having to be scared for them to talk. Adam and Eve lost the garden by not communicating. Adam never asked Eve where the fruit came from. Communication in marriage is like light. Relationships are dualistic. It is about heat and light. Heat is passion. Light is knowledge which comes from communication. In beginning of a marriage there is a lot of heat or passion, but if there is no communication, when the pilot light goes dim there is nothing to do but sit on the porch with nothing to talk about. Circumstances can come and blow the pilot light out. It is hard to have heat when you get laid off so you will need something to bring the heat back. We need to be able to talk so that we may be able to bring the heat back on. We have to do a better job talking.
g. We need someone that is family oriented-When family or in-laws come in, you say you going up stairs until they leave. You need to look at how a person interacts with their family. Watch how they treat their mother or father. This will give you an insight on how they will treat you. For example, if you want to know how a person will treat you as a wife, look at how they treat their mom and vice versa. God brings us together, because he wants us to be family oriented.
II. Refuse to settle
1. When you raise your standards, stay true to it.
a. I will not compromise my destiny. Jeremiah 29:11says 11For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. – God has a destination for us. God created us to do something or to solve a problem. Everything you do in life must validate what God called you to do. You don’t want anybody coming into your life that will complicate that. You were already complete, so that didn’t come into your life to complete you. They came to work alongside you and you work alongside them so that your destinies join together. You shouldn’t have to give up your dreams to be with somebody.
b. I will not sacrifice my children on the altar of my relationship –Some people want to be with someone so bad that they will neglect their own children for them. Some men will neglect their children in order to be with the new woman. The women will neglect their children to be with the new man. 1 Corinthians 15:33 says 33Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners. – Bad communication corrupts good manners. Bad company makes bad character. You get around people and it causes you to do stuff you normally wouldn’t do.
c. I will not compromise my morals and convictions. Ephesians 6:13 says 13Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.- You got to have something that you stand for. Some people compromise everything just to have somebody.
d. I will not allow myself to believe that what God promised me does not exist – If God promised it to me, I believe it exists. He wouldn’t have promised it if it didn’t exist. Psalm 37:4-5 says 4Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.5Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.-It might take a while, but if you trust God, he will bring it to past.
III. Retain self control
1. If you don’t maintain self control, then you are out of control.
a. Be slow to anger – Galatians 5:23 says 23Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
Proverbs 25:28 says 28He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. – This scripture describes a person out of control. If we carry anger from other relationships and keep it pinned up, then it can bring on other stuff in future and current relationships. Ex- You fall out about orange juice being put in the refrigerator almost empty, then next thing you know it goes back to something that happened two or three yrs ago. We need to make a pact not to argue or raise your voice. The only time we should raise our voice is when there is a fire. This is self control. You will be surprised how arguing and raising your voice will affect your kids. Sometimes, when you argue, it scares your kids.
b. Must have hormone control-the church is funny. The church doesn’t like to deal with the normal psychological challenges with people. They would rather deal with topical solutions or temporary relief, rather than extraction. It’s like a toothache. Instead of going to the dentist, we grab some Orajel. We lay hands on a guy and when he gets up, he is still somebody with an underlying issue. We have to get to the root of a person’s problem. Ex- We thank God that as a man, they have the psychological issue of female attraction. This is normal. The problem is when they lust. This takes it a step further. This is sin. 1 Corinthians 6:18 says 18Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. – We must run from sin. Don’t try to confront it, just run! We must have control of our hormones.
IV. Regimen of spirituality
1. We have to have a regimen that keeps us focused.
2. Every man reading this that is married or desires to be, pay attention to this next scripture. Mark 3:27 says 27No man can enter into a strong man’s house, and spoil his goods, except he will first bind the strong man; and then he will spoil his house.- The devil wants to get men tied up and bound. 60 to70 percent of struggles that are found in a home today is often a direct result of a man being bound. Men, you have to be the Pastor of your household. Your Pastor can’t pastor your home.
a. Church Attendance together – Joshua 24:15 says 15And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. – As a wife, you shouldn’t have to drag your husband to church. You ought to be able to attend church with your mate.
b. Praying together. When you ask that person can they pray for you, and they ask for you to pray, this won’t work. You need somebody with boldness and who will call your name out before the Lord. You have to be able to cover each other. Psalm 127:1 says 1Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.
c. Developing devotion that works for you. – Sometimes your devotion might just be talking about the day and wrapping it around a scripture. You have to find out what works for your household. It doesn’t have to be so structured.
V. Recognize the need for space
“Where you going, to the store, can I go?”
1. Don’t be so clingy. Sometimes we crowd people because of our insecurities. We try to camouflage it by saying we just want to be with that person.
2. You don’t want to be with someone who does not have friends. There is a reason they don’t have friends. 1 Samuel 18:1 says 1And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.-David and Jonathan were like best friends. People need positive relationships outside relationships and marriage. Men need to have freedom to go and man up! Women need positive women time too. The keyword here is you don’t want to hang out with people that talk negative about the relationship that you are in. Men, you ought to be happy to release your wife to positive woman. A positive woman might be able to give positive advice on how to minister to you. There are things that you might not want to talk specifically about to your spouse and you need to talk to someone from the same sex that can give you realistic advice.
3. Accept the fact that you cannot be each other’s everything.
4. Space and grace- We give you the pace and the grace to have a life outside of us. You don’t have to like it, but recognize the need for it.
VI. Righteous submission
1. Take a look at how people feel about their spiritual leaders. Hebrews 13:17 says 17Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.
2. Take a look at how a person respects their elders. 1 Peter 5:5 says 5Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. – When you are in a relationship, watch how your mate handles authority and it will show if they can handle submission. If a man doesn’t do well with authority, then he is not going to keep a job long. If a woman can’t handle authority, she is not going to handle submission well. Ephesians 5:21-33 says 21Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. – There are people that have a fundamental problem with submission. Many struggle with submission. To the women, submission is not a bad thing. If your husband loves you well enough, they can love you into submission. You will find yourself submitting because you feel appreciated. Note that your husband however, has to be submitted to God. Don’t be with someone that is not submitting to God.
VII. Ready for sacrifice
1. It is an amazing thing when people come together in a relationship. It is a sacrifice. All of your DNA, all your history, and all your upbringing is inside of you. The person you come together with has the same stuff going on inside of them. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with your relationship if you bump heads every now and then. You can’t walk away from a relationship just because of that. When we enter a relationship, we unite with somebody we don’t know and as a result we have to learn each other. It is about sacrifice.
2. 3 classes of sacrifice
a. Determined-Commitment that comes from love is our responsibility.
b. Disguises- Perverted because a person has hidden agenda. They sacrifice until they get you and then after that, it’s a wrap.
c. Divine-Mandate from God. We do it because of what God’s word says.
3. 6 things that happen when you refuse to sacrifice
a. Escape my responsibility.
b. You miss God.
c. You prove to God that you cannot be trusted.
d. You live off the sacrifices of others.
e. You rob others
f. Cause others to have to make painful adjustments. They have to do things they weren’t supposed to do, trying to take up your slack.
4. 1 Corinthians 13:4 says 4Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, – Some suffering builds things. Suffering means we are willing to do the work necessary to achieve our goal. For men it means we are willing to suffer through our mate crying, when it hasn’t anything to do with us, until you are ready to talk about it. For women it means we are willing to suffer though us their husbands watching ESPN and not paying attention to you. It means we are willing to work on some things. The whole point of long suffering is you can’t just give up. All that you do in wedding should have been done because you agree to suffer long. Just because you come to a roadblock, it is not an invitation to say that you are done. Those of you who are single, make sure your anchor holds. We have incredible value and gifts and anointing on our life. You are worth the long suffering. If you are not tired of you, nobody else should be tired of you. If someone loves you, they won’t get tired of you. God got a million reasons to be tired of us, yet he is right there with us and so should our mate. Because God loves us this way, this becomes our model to show us how our mate should love us.

Are you relationship ready? “The relationship litmus test” Bible Study 01/27/10

Are you relationship ready? Part I
“The relationship litmus test”
Synopsis of Bible Study 01/27/10
In starting to study this series, we need to ask ourself are we really ready for a relationship? If you are already in a relationship, you should ask do you have areas that you need to improve on. None of us have arrived and we all evolving and becoming. Relationships are very important to us, because God made us relational people.
There are 7 principles that we will discuss tonight. These are things we need to have in order to show we are ready for healthy relationships.
I. Sound priorities
1. Our actions show what we value more than our mouth does. Your priories must be in order. Many of us say we are sold out for God, but truly it is about our actions. Our priorities must be in order. We need to ask our self where we spend most of your time. Where do we make most of our investments? It is all about what do you value the most. Matthew 6:33 says 33But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.-The kingdom is God refers to God’s way of doing things, so the scripture is talking about us seeking first God’s way of doing things. Righteousness is when God affirms our behavior. Therefore we want to be affirmed by God of doing things right, rather than letting culture to affirm us. Often what culture affirms as being right conflicts with what God said is right? Following what culture says is right causes us to end up in dysfunctional relationships, because something may be cool with culture, but it might not be of God. We want to seek God’s way of doing things while looking for his affirmation of our actions. If we look for God’s way of doing things first is the first order of our life, then everything that we are looking for will be added unto us. This scripture reminds us that if we do things the way God wants us to, then things will come unto us. We won’t have to find it, because it will find us.
2. When our priorities are in order we are saying that we are clear that God has first place in our life. There are many that allow relationships to take precedence over God. The best relationship you could ever have is one with God. The next best relationship you could have is a relationship with yourself. If you don’t have a healthy relationship with God and yourself, then it can put you into dysfunction with people. Lots of people were truly in love with Jesus until with that person. Now that they got in the relationship, they quit coming to church. This is an example of someone that has their priorities out of order. They value their relationship more than their relationship with God. If you do this, God will step back and allow you to let that relationship be your god. God will allow you to call on that relationship when you get sick instead of calling on him and you will find out that they can’t heal you. It is important to know that you need God in your life. God has to have first place in your life. Luke 12:34 says 34For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.- Where treasure is, your heart will be. If your heart is straight, then it is clear your time and investments will be spent on God. This suggests a person that has sound priorities. It suggests we have order and structure n our life. If you look at creation and everything that God did you will notice that before God made Adam, God put things in priority or in other words put them in order. When Adam showed up, everything he needed was already in order. God is a God of priority. Why would God make fish before he makes water? He makes water before fish, because he understands priorities.
3. We must:
a. Put God before goals. – Before perusing our will, we want to do things for him on the earth.
b. Put family before friends.- Our family is more important to us than hanging out with our friends. Not going to neglect family while running around with our friends.
c. Put Worship before the world. Don’t allow things to take precedence over worship. If people see you not coming to church, they will plan stuff during church, because they don’t go. Plan stuff around church, instead of church around stuff. Ex- Bishop explains playing basketball @ 5 in the morning for exercise. One of the guys that Bishop plays ball with Bishop said that he would come to church, but he just couldn’t get up that early in the morning. This is shocking. The guy can get up early to play ball, but he can’t get up early to go and worship God.
d. Saving before spending. The recession should have taught us about that.
e. Producing before play. If you work hard you can play hard. You can’t just play all the time and not work.
II. Solidified purpose
1. This means we know why we are here. What are you hear for? What has God deposited in you? If you don’t understand your purpose, you will live life through somebody else’s purpose. This makes for an unhealthy relationship. If you hook up somebody and you don’t have purpose or goals then one might refer to you as Brother So & So’s wife rather than calling you by your name. What are you supposed to do? In relationship you are here to support who God joined you with, but you should also be to a point where you bring purpose to the table too. God takes your purpose and your mate’s purpose and uses it together for his purpose. If you don’t have a purpose, then you will frustrate a person that is operating in purpose, because they will always be busy and you will just be standing around. Jeremiah 1:5 says 5Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations. – God says he already had something in store for your life, before you were born. 1 Corinthians 15:58 says 58Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord. – When you are working for God doing what he told you to do, it will never be in vain. God will always honor your work. You are not ready for relationship, unless you know what your purpose is.
2. How do we get to this point?
a. Must have Clear vision. Proverbs 29:18 says 18Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he. – When you go to eye doctor it is a little fuzzy at first, but when he switches the leans, you begin to see clearly. There are two things you need to remember about vision.
i. Your visions should out live you. If your vision dies with you, then it is not vision
ii. Vision is always bigger than your budget. If you can’t afford it, then God is the only one that gets the glory when it comes to past. Stop worrying about what you don’t have. Just say you see where God is trying to take you. If you say it enough, you will finally be able to seize it.
b. Plan to accomplish it. Habakkuk 2:2 says 2And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it.- You have to have a plan. God is not going to bless people that are not equipped to work in their vision. Ex: What are you reading that can help you achieve your goal? What classes have you taken to prepare you. How much are you putting into preparing for your vision to come to pass?
3. Must have measurable objectives to determine progress. Habakkuk 2:3 says 3For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. – You can back look at what you have accomplished. This will help motivate you to finish accomplishing your vision. This makes us self motivated. Psalm 26:2 says 2Examine me, O LORD, and prove me; try my reins and my heart. – In other words is saying, “Lord check my motivation.” We are not trying to make a name for ourselves. We want the Lord to make sure that we keep our heart right. We want to make sure we are in it for the right reason. You have to find your purpose.
III. Sustain productivity
1. God wants you to be continuously blessed. Ex- The thrust of the plane, keeps the plain in the air. We don’t need the thrust giving out in mid air. God wants you to be continuously blessed. Genesis 1:28 says 28And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.- This scripture says be fruitful and multiply. To be fruitful is about being productive. We have to learn to be productive before we can be fruitful. If not we will produce stuff that is not productive. You should be so productive that others sweat when they watch you.
John 15:1-4 says 1I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman. 2Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit. 3Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you. 4Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. – The word is the pesticide on the vine. In other words, the more word that you get, it keeps the parasitic folk away from you. These are folk that people that suck the life from you. Ex- Being on the phone with folk for 3 hrs in a day keeps us from getting stuff done. This is an example of parasitic folk.
John 15:4-7 says 4Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. 5I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing. 6If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned. 7If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.- God says ask what you want and he will give it if you abide in his word.
2. John 15:8 says 8Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples. – God wants us to produce. Productivity keeps us busy. When we are busy we become focused. When we are focused, it keeps us from foolishness. Most of the foolishness that comes into our life is because we are not busy, focused, or productive. Ex-We are fooling around, but we know we should be studying and we remind ours elf because we are productive. We need to get this straight before we get into a relationship.
IV. Self provision
1. All our help comes from God. God provides for us so we can learn to take care of ourselves. Can you hold your own self down? Are you taking care of your health? 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says 19What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 20For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s. -You have to take care of yourself including your health.
a. Take care of your health. Whose going to be in relationship with someone that don’t’ take care of themselves. If you don’t keep yourself up, then we know you won’t take care of us when we get together.
b. God wants you to be completely blessed. 3 John 1:2 says 2Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. – God wants you to be financially stable, stable, and health. Learn now how to be financially stable for yourself. Don’t wait for someone to come sweep you off your feet. You ought to want to know what it feels like to own something with your name on it, before getting into a relationship (car, condo, house etc…). You ought to have to worry about what you are going to do with the extra appliances when you unit with someone, because you had your own stuff. We sit around with these Play-Doh or Mr. Potato Head relationships saying “You bring this and I will bring that…” You have to be whole by yourself. You have to come to the table with something and so does your potential mate. This way, if in the course of the relationship they forget they are dealing with a whole person and act a fool, you can remind them that you were complete before they came and will be just find if they decide to roll on. People who are productive, in purpose, and are self providers are not living to take care of somebody. , who are self providers, are going take care of no body. To have to take care of a grown person doesn’t make sense.
2. We are complete in Christ. Colossians 2:10 says 10And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power: – Says we are complete in Christ.
Mark 12:30-31 says 30And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. 31And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these. – Our self becomes the measuring rod by which we love our mate. You want to know what going to be on the stove when we get married, look what is on the stove now. Want to know how clean the house is going to be when you get married, see how clean it is now. What you see is what you going to get. Often people say the other person changed in the relationship, but often they didn’t. We were just in denial about what we saw when we were dating. If they were a pack rat before you were married, they will be after you are married. Don’t’ let anyone have to take care of you. “We refuse to live our life and have somebody take care of us. We are too anointed and too gifted for that” Before God trusted Adam with a relationship, he gave him a job and responsibility then he said he was ready for his gift. He gave him Eve. We must say,
V. Secure personality.
1. This is about identity. Who are you? Who is here tonight, you or your representative? Having a secure personality is key. 1 Peter 2:9 says 9But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;- You are somebody. All of us have some insecurities and this can affect us. If we don’t feel good about who we are, we compromise our integrity looking for affirmation. We wonder are we pretty enough, smart enough, small enough and this makes us feel like we need to compete. These images we have of the perfect person intimidate us. You open Victoria secret or muscle builder magazine and you wonder if you are good enough. Until you are comfortable in your skin, you will never be successful in a relationship. If you are not secure, you will find yourself competing with people and picking people that want you to become something else.
2. The majority of people in the church have identity crisis. These people are often insecure and they project this on the other person. Ex- “Where you going” or “Who you looking at?” or Calling them every ten minutes. You have to know who you are. If you know who you are, then you realize that God made you who you are for a reason. Remember Leah? Her whole life was centered around rejection. Imagine getting ready to marry this man and you find out he went into because he was drunk and really wanted your sister. He wakes up mad the next morning. Imagine finding out he is willing to work another 7 yrs just to get your sister whom he really wanted. Imagine how you would feel after that. You try to keep having babies hoping he eventually will say he loves you. You have to know who you are. Lots of women dress in way to get affirmation. You don’t realize that what we (the men) are looking at is what we are coming for. Keep it a mystery and we might start coming after your head or your heart. Men are the same way. We need you to tell us that we are the greatest of all time. We need to be assured that we the man. Write this scripture on your mirror one day, ” Psalm 139:14 says 14I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. – We are fearfully and wonderfully blessed. We are confident in our skin. Ex-Bishop explains that he was in Dallas and his friends asked how he dealt with losing his hair. He responded that it didn’t bother him. He said Michael Jordan made it cool to be bald. He explained that he wasn’t going to be in denial and grow afro-nut. He said he let it go.
VI. Survived your past
1. There are people that have it going on, they have degrees, nice jobs, sharp homes, and etc… , but when you peel away the layers you will find they have pain from where they hadn’t let go of the past. That stuff is still there. You got to move beyond the past. Don’t let your past impact your present situation and future relationships. Ex- Just because a person has done something to you, then you treat your current mate as a suspect. Philippians 3:13 says 13Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, –If we stop looking back there, we can see what God has in right in front of us. At some point you are going to have to let some stuff go. You can’t spring if you are allowing yourself to be cling-ed.
Isaiah 43:18-19 says 18Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. 19Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. – God says he knows you are in the wilderness. If you let it go, he will make ways like you have never seen before.
VII. Spiritually patient
1. Often we want to know how long? We have to learn to wait right. Remember Abraham was told he was going to get a son and it didn’t happen when they thought it should have. His wife had an twenty something year old attractive handmaid. Abraham was 99, his wife was 89. Abraham’s wife sent him in to his hand maid so he could have the baby that he wanted. Abraham went without argument. Ishmael was a result of that decision or the result of not waiting on God. Ishmael is the thing that reminds us that we got ahead of God. These things remind us that we kept getting ahead of God. What is your Ishmael? Psalm 27:14 says 14Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. – Learn to wait right.
Psalm 37:4 says 4Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. – If we wait on the Lord, he will give us the desires of our heart.
2. Jeremiah 29:11 says 11For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. – God says he know how things will turn out of him. God says he providently orchestrated the affairs of your life. God says if you learn how to trust him , get your priorities right, be productive, provide for yourself, get your personality right, deal with your past, and be patient, then what you are looking for is somewhere looking for you. You think what you looking for don’t exist. God will bring you what you are looking for in his own time. God will not bring you things you are not ready for. God will not present it to you until you prove you are ready for it. You can’t be healthy relationship with anybody, until you are in a proper relationship with yourself. You can’t be in proper relationship with yourself, until you are in proper relationship with God.