How to have friends Part II, Bible Study 05/11/11

How to have Friends Part II

Synopsis of Bible Study 05/11/11

Delivered by Bishop Walker III

Last week we asked you to write down 3 things you think you bring to a friendship.
Then we told you to write 3 things down that people might say you bring to a
friendship. Then we told you to write down 3 things that you bring to a
friendship and one thing that you feel people take for granted with you.

Now if you had to choose one thing that you know without doubt that you
bring to a friendship, write it down. Then write down one think that you know
people take for granted in your life. We will come back to these.

I.
Characteristics of a friend

1. Tells the truth- Proverbs 27:5-6, 9 says ⁵Open rebuke is better than secret
   love. ⁶Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an
   enemy are deceitful. ⁹Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so
   doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel. – We are
   looking for people that will tell us the truth. We want people that will tell
   is like it is.
2. Loves with pureness of heart- Proverbs 22:11 says ¹¹He that loveth pureness of heart,
   for the grace of his lips the king shall be his friend. – We act in
   ways that are not consistent with our heart, by the things we do. In fact, we often tell people to charge it to our head
   and not our heart. We really desire for people to know our hearts. If people
   really knew our heart, they would not judge us by how we act or our actions. Sometimes people can act certain ways,
   because of things that happened in their past. If we knew their hearts, we
   wouldn’t be so bitter towards them.
3. Loyalty – They are loyal. Proverbs 27:10 says ¹⁰Thine own friend, and thy father’s
   friend, forsake not; neither go into thy brother’s house in the day of thy
   calamity: for better is a neighbour that is near than a brother far off. -We need
   somebody there with us. Loyalty will take you a long way. No matter what happens,
   you know you can count on this person.
4. Loves at all times –Proverbs
   17:17 says ¹⁷A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
   - I friend will love you no matter what. No matter what happens, we know this person loves
   us.
   1. There are things that separate us friends.
   2. i.
      Whisperers – Proverbs 16:28 says 28A froward man
      soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends. – You have this person
      who has a friend. They have been friends with you for a year. A new person
      comes in and is friends with you for week. The old friend is intimidated that they
      might not be able to keep you as a friend. The old friend whispers things that
      cause you to have doubt in the new friend. It is not about the integrity of the
      new friend. Instead it is about the lack of security in the old friend. Be
      careful of those that whisper things in your ear.
   3. ii.
      Violating trust- Proverbs 17:9 says ⁹He
      that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter
      separateth very friends. – Tell you a secret and next day it is in the Tennessean,
      on Facebook, or on Twitter. This will mess up a friendship when you can’t keep
      mouth closed.
   4. iii.
      Money- Proverbs 6:1-3 says ¹My
      son, if thou be surety for thy friend, if thou hast stricken thy hand with a
      stranger, ²Thou art snared with the words of thy mouth, thou art
      taken with the words of thy mouth. ³Do this now, my son, and deliver
      thyself, when thou art come into the hand of thy friend; go, humble thyself,
      and make sure thy friend. – This is talking about money and friends. Ex- Bishop explains how he has a policy;
      he doesn’t loan money to his friends. Bishop learned that if he can’t give it
      to you, he just won’t do it. Bishop
      says that he don’t want money to get in
      between he and his friends relationship. You got people who know that they owe
      you money and they act like they don’t. They will buy new stuff and act like
      they don’t owe you money, as if you forgot about it. Proverbs 19:4 says ⁴Wealth maketh many friends; but the
      poor is separated from his neighbour. – It is not so much that the poor
      is separated from his friends, but when your conditions change, things change. If
      you have a lot of money and then all of a sudden it’s gone, some friends will
      fall off. Proverbs
      19:6-7 says ⁶Many will intreat the favour of the
      prince: and every man is a friend to him that giveth gifts. ⁷All the
      brethren of the poor do hate him: how much more do his friends go far from him?
      he pursueth them with words, yet they are wanting to him. – He hooked
      them up when they were in need. When he was in need, there was none to be
      found. People have selective amnesia when it comes to money and this can mess
      up friendships. Ex- People come to
      us (Mt Zion) on our benevolent program and we try to help people. We have
      safeguards in place so we can be good stewards over our blessings (the money).
      We have policies such as the maximum we can give a person, so that we can be
      good stewards of this.  You can help a
      person in December, January, then February, March, and finally you have to tell
      them that you can’t do it anymore. If a person has come to us over and over
      again and they have exhausted he amount of times that they can come to us, then
      all of a sudden our name (Mt Zion) is mud.
      Learn how to say no to friends and learn to be comfortable with this decision.
      When you are a giver, don’t allow the lack
      of integrity of others prevent you from blessing
      somebody else. Don’t let somebody’s issue cause you to miss your blessing.

II.
Advice and friends

1. Have problem having friends. What is the problem? Proverbs 18:24 says ²⁴A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and
   there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. – You have to first be
   friendly, before you can have a friend. You got to have the personality that is
   friendly and stop being so unfriendly.
2. You will attract what you are. If you are a person who has a warm
   personality, you will always attract that
   to yourself. If you gossip you will attract that. Gossipers are not attracted
   to you if you don’t like to gossip. You have to examine what people are seeing in you. We need advice
   from people that understand us. Proverbs
   22:11 says ¹¹He that loveth pureness of heart, for the grace of his lips
   the king shall be his friend.- He knows that he has gracious speach, Proverbs 27:6 says ⁶Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an
   enemy are deceitful., Proverbs 22:11 says ¹¹He that loveth
   pureness of heart, for the grace of his lips the king shall be his friend. – We are looking for someone
   that can shoot straight with us. They can tell us what we need to hear.
3. Why is this important? In order to get good advice we
   must be mindful of how you select our friends.
4. Be mindful of how you select friends. Proverbs
   22:24-25 says ²⁴Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man
   thou shalt not go: ²⁵Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to
   thy soul. , Proverbs 12:26 says ²⁶The righteous is more excellent than his neighbour: but the
   way of the wicked seduceth them. – There are two kinds of people you have to choose
   from. There are those who will lead and walk with you towards your destiny and those that will walk and lead you down path of destruction. With them you
   have two choices, life or death or
   spending eternity in smoking or non-smoking.
5. As you select friends, be careful. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says ¹⁴Be ye not unequally yoked together
   with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?
   and what communion hath light with darkness? – The issue is, we all have
   friends who are not saved (People that don’t go to church and who are down with
   whatever). We learned last week that there are some friends that are going to
   be on the fence, the porch, and the house. We don’t want you to feel like you
   need to cut them off, because this is not good
   evangelism. We have people that are not saved, but they are cool. We have to
   know where they fit in. You can’t allow them to have more influence on us than
   we do on them. As a child of God, how can they get you to stay out all night,
   and you can’t get them to come to church? Ex-
   A saved person that is going through a crisis can’t get advice from unsaved
   folk. 2
   Corinthians 6:16-17says ¹⁶And
   what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the
   living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I
   will be their God, and they shall be my people. ¹⁷Wherefore come out
   from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean
   thing; and I will receive you. – In other words, what relationship do we have with
   these so called friends? Unsaved people operate from a different frame of reference. If you going through
   a spiritual thing, they will say you ought to”be out” or “do you” or “let’s roll” (referring to leaving your
   relationship). They can only interpret your situation based on what they know to do. We got these
   unsaved friends, but we are not trying to take
   their advice. For example, if we went to speech therapy and the Doctor
   stuttered, “Good morning” to us, we would not want to go through with the
   session. If we went to Dentist and they had a cavity in the front, we would not
   have much faith in their ability or their advice. You wouldn’t take advice from
   these types of people, because their actions don’t show that they are qualified
   to give advice. So why do you let non spiritual people give advice to you about
   your life.
6. Friends that want wisdom – Proverbs
   13:20 says ²⁰He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion
   of fools shall be destroyed. – We want to be with the type of people they want wisdom. Proverbs 13:14 says ¹⁴The law of the wise is a fountain of life, to depart from
   the snares of death. -Wisdom will teach you how to say a thing. Ex- Say you have a friend going through something and they start emotionally eating. As a result, they
   are starting to get larger. You are concerned, because you don’t want them to
   get larger and larger. You can’t just go up to them and say, “You’re just fat!”  This would not be wise. Some people are still
   in counseling over things that you have said in the past. What would be wise to
   say is something like this: “I love you and I can’t imagine being here without
   you. I want to help you stay here for me and you and I will start by walking
   with you.”
7. How do we maintain friendships? They can be disrupted for a variety of
   reasons. Here are some things messes friendships up:
   1. Repeating what you hear. Proverbs 17:9 says ⁹He that covereth a transgression
      seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.- The
      simply means we can’t tell you nothing, without you repeating it.
   2. Getting into senseless arguments. Proverbs 17:14 says ¹⁴The beginning of strife is as when
      one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled
      with. – Some people just wake up wanting to argue.
   3. Overstaying your welcome- Proverbs 25:17 says ¹⁷Withdraw thy foot from thy
      neighbour’s house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee. – Let folk
      miss you. Your friends try to send you messages and you still won’t go home. Everytime
      you go home, this kind of friend will ask to come over. Give your friends time
      to miss you.
   4. Meddling in affairs that are not your own- Proverbs 26:17 says ¹⁷He that passeth by, and meddleth
      with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears. – Nobody takes
      a dog by the ears, because they know they would get bit. This is how we mess up
      other folks friends. We get into other folks business. If you are invited you
      can involve yourself in their business, but don’t come into folks business uninvited.
   5. Playing bad jokes. Proverbs
      26:18-19 says ¹⁸As a mad man who casteth firebrands, arrows, and death, ¹⁹So
      is the man that deceiveth his neighbour, and saith, Am not I in sport?
   6. Being a talebearer- This is gossiper. Proverbs 26:20 says ²⁰Where no wood is, there the fire
      goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth. – When
      there are no gossipers around, everyone is good. When a gossiper walks in, the
      atmosphere changes.
   7. Being contentious- Proverbs 26:21 says ²¹As
      coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a contentious man to kindle
      strife.-These are people that are always starting stuff.
   8. Engaging in insincere flattery-. Proverbs 27:14 says ¹⁴He that blesseth his friend with a
      loud voice, rising early in the morning, it shall be counted a curse to him. – There are
      people that tell you things, but they are just trying to manipulate you to get what
      they want.

III.
Selecting Friends

1. Be mindful of how you select friends. Proverbs
   22:24-25 says ²⁴Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man
   thou shalt not go: ²⁵Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to
   thy soul. , Proverbs 12:26 says ²⁶The righteous is more excellent than his neighbour: but the
   way of the wicked seduceth them. – There are two kinds of people you have to choose
   from. There are those who will lead and walk with you towards your destiny and those that will walk and lead you down path of destruction. With them you
   have two choices, life or death or
   spending eternity in smoking or non-smoking.
2. As you select friends, be careful. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says ¹⁴Be ye not unequally yoked together
   with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?
   and what communion hath light with darkness? – The issue is, we all have
   friends who are not saved (People that don’t go to church and who are down with
   whatever). We learned last week that there are some friends that are going to
   be on the fence, the porch, and the house. We don’t want you to feel like you
   need to cut them off, because this is not good
   evangelism. We have people that are not saved, but they are cool. We have to
   know where they fit in. You can’t allow them to have more influence on us than
   we do on them. As a child of God, how can they get you to stay out all night,
   and you can’t get them to come to church? Ex-
   A saved person that is going through a crisis can’t get advice from unsaved
   folk. 2
   Corinthians 6:16-17says ¹⁶And
   what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the
   living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I
   will be their God, and they shall be my people. ¹⁷Wherefore come out
   from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean
   thing; and I will receive you. – In other words, what relationship do we have with
   these so called friends? Unsaved people operate from a different frame of reference. If you going through
   a spiritual thing, they will say you ought to”be out” or “do you” or “let’s roll” (referring to leaving your
   relationship). They can only interpret your situation based on what they know to do. We got these
   unsaved friends, but we are not trying to take
   their advice. For example, if we went to speech therapy and the Doctor
   stuttered, “Good morning” to us, we would not want to go through with the
   session. If we went to Dentist and they had a cavity in the front, we would not
   have much faith in their ability or their advice. You wouldn’t take advice from
   these types of people, because their actions don’t show that they are qualified
   to give advice. So why do you let non spiritual people give advice to you about
   your life.

 IV.
What kind of friends do you want?

1. Friends that want wisdom – Proverbs
   13:20 says ²⁰He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion
   of fools shall be destroyed. – We want to be with the type of people they want wisdom. Proverbs 13:14 says ¹⁴The law of the wise is a fountain of life, to depart from
   the snares of death. -Wisdom will teach you how to say a thing. Ex- Say you have a friend going through something and they start emotionally eating. As a result, they
   are starting to get larger. You are concerned, because you don’t want them to
   get larger and larger. You can’t just go up to them and say, “You’re just fat!”  This would not be wise. Some people are still
   in counseling over things that you have said in the past. What would be wise to
   say is something like this: “I love you and I can’t imagine being here without
   you. I want to help you stay here for me and you and I will start by walking
   with you.”
2. How do we maintain friendships? They can be disrupted for a variety of
   reasons. Here are some things messes friendships up:
   1. Repeating what you hear. Proverbs 17:9 says ⁹He that covereth a transgression
      seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.- The
      simply means we can’t tell you nothing, without you repeating it.
   2. Getting into senseless arguments. Proverbs 17:14 says ¹⁴The beginning of strife is as when
      one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled
      with. – Some people just wake up wanting to argue.
   3. Overstaying your welcome- Proverbs 25:17 says ¹⁷Withdraw thy foot from thy
      neighbour’s house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee. – Let folk
      miss you. Your friends try to send you messages and you still won’t go home. Everytime
      you go home, this kind of friend will ask to come over. Give your friends time
      to miss you.
   4. Meddling in affairs that are not your own- Proverbs 26:17 says ¹⁷He that passeth by, and meddleth
      with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears. – Nobody takes
      a dog by the ears, because they know they would get bit. This is how we mess up
      other folks friends. We get into other folks business. If you are invited you
      can involve yourself in their business, but don’t come into folks business uninvited.
   5. Playing bad jokes. Proverbs
      26:18-19 says ¹⁸As a mad man who casteth firebrands, arrows, and death, ¹⁹So
      is the man that deceiveth his neighbour, and saith, Am not I in sport?
   6. Being a talebearer- This is gossiper. Proverbs 26:20 says ²⁰Where no wood is, there the fire
      goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth. – When
      there are no gossipers around, everyone is good. When a gossiper walks in, the
      atmosphere changes.
   7. Being contentious- Proverbs 26:21 says ²¹As
      coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a contentious man to kindle
      strife.-These are people that are always starting stuff.
   8. Engaging in insincere flattery-. Proverbs 27:14 says ¹⁴He that blesseth his friend with a
      loud voice, rising early in the morning, it shall be counted a curse to him. – There are
      people that tell you things, but they are just trying to manipulate you to get what
      they want.

V.
Solving problems with friends

1. Make sure that you are at peace with the Lord. Proverbs 16:7 says   ⁷When a man’s
   ways please the LORD, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him. – Don’t
   respond to your haters. Please God and he will make your enemies be at peace
   with you.
2. Be slow to anger- Proverbs 15:18 says ¹⁸A
   wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.
   - You got folk that know how to push the right buttons, but you got to
   know how to process that. Learn to respond with your new man and not your old
   man. Ex-Some people don’t think Bishop
   gets angry. They act like he is not human. Bishop explains that when people
   pull out in front of him, he gets angry too. We all have to learn how to
   control our anger.
3. Be slow to respond- Proverbs 18:13 says ¹³He
   that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him. -You in a
   heavenly debated issue and you won’t let them finish. Let them finish it. Be
   slow to answer.
4. Avoid quarrelling- Proverbs 20:3 says ³It
   is an honour for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling. – Any fool
   can start fight.
5. Speak gently- Proverbs 15:1 says ¹A
   soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. – Speaking
   gently can avoid confrontation.
6. Speak briefly- Proverbs 10:19 says ¹⁹In
   the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips
   is wise. -Tell them how you feel and be out.
7. Be quick to show love- Proverbs 10:12 says ¹²Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love
   covereth all sins. – When we love a person, it can cover up a whole lot of
   what is wrong with you. If you love right, the person might choose not to hold your
   flaw against you.

 VI.
4 types of friends

1. The developer- This is a person that brings out the best in you. It
   doesn’t have to even be a saved person.
2. The designer- These are mentors or advisors. Jesus ministered to
   thousands; he trained hundreds, equipped 12, but had 3 intimate friends. Designer
   mentor us in marriage, business, and a variety of other areas.  Designers can be an author, acquaintances,
   rangers or even people who are dead, because they can design our life through
   scriptures, books, tapes, articles, or seminars.
3. The disturber- This is a person who shakes up the status quo. They know when we have retreated to our comfort zone. It
   is like the eagle that stirs her nest and allows the eagles to fall out of the
   nest for their own good. They ask the
   question that others won’t ask. They want to know if your car note is more than
   your house. They want to know why you want to buy the car right now. In other
   words, they make you examine your
   motivation. If you say you want to open a business, they are the ones who
   ask if you got a business plan or have you worked out how you are going to
   finance it. Most of the time when we want to do something jacked up, we won’t
   go to the disturber. We need people in our life that can come to us and
   literally disturb stuff and ask the right
   questions.
4. The discerner – This is that
   person that comes into our life and is spiritual enough to give us advice. Very
   few people will play this role in our life. They know how to keep you on the
   right track. Proverbs 27:6 says ⁶Faithful
   are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.- They can tell you that
   they can sense something. They can come and tell you stuff bad that they see,
   when you feel you are on the mountain. They can tell that something is wrong
   with you, even when you try to hide it.

Assignment: Think about your circle of 20 people in your life. If you don’t have
20, think about the 10 or the 5. They can be relatives, friends, or authors.  Think about where they fit into your life as
it relates to these categories or friend types we just mentioned. Does their
role in your life meet your assumptions about them?  Lay it all out and it will help you understand
your friendships.

How to have friends Part I, Bible Study 05/04/11

How
to have friends Part I

Synopsis of
Bible Study 05/04/11

Delivered by
Bishop Walker III

Many of us
struggle with this idea of friendship.
In fact, many of us can count on one hand, how many real friends we have.
Remember the song, “Friends” by Whodini? If you think about it,
Whodini might have been on to something. All of us have experienced the
complexity of friends. It is really difficult, because many of us have
experienced wounds and bitterness from our so called friends. Today we want you
to understand who really doesn’t qualify to be your friend.

Proverbs
1:10 NKJV says 10My son,
if sinners entice thee, consent thou not.- King Solomon says we have to be
careful about the associations that we have, because those associations can
bring about simulation, which means you could be in danger of becoming like the people that you hang out
with. This is where the whole idea, “Birds of a feather flock
together” comes from.

People you should not be in friendship with:

1. Stay away from violent people – These are people scary to be
   around. They throw things and talk with an elevated voice whenever
   disagreement comes up.
2. Stay away from greedy people- Proverbs 1:19 (NKJV) says
   19 So are the ways of everyone who is greedy for gain; It takes away the
   life of its owners.- These are people that are in pursuit of stuff all the
   time.  They always want more.

Manifestations of greedy people:

1. The
   thief – Person that will take and steal.
2. Proud
   rich person – Once they
   arrive at a certain level, they think they are better than others.
3. Subtle
   thief - Will still from
   you as if you don’t know they are stealing from you
4. Can’t wait crowd – Will do anything to get
   it, even manipulating people.

3. Stay away from froward people – They swerve from one side to the
   other. They can’t make up their mind. They go from one way to
   another.  Proverbs 2:12 says 12To deliver thee from the way of the evil
   man, from the man that speaketh froward things; – There is no stability in
   their lives.
4. Stay away from people who despise knowledge. Proverbs 1:29
   says ²⁹For that
   they hated knowledge, and did not choose the fear of the LORD: – These are people who do not want to
   grow in the word of God. Often people that don’t want to do better don’t
   want you to do better, because when you do better, you intimidate them. As
   long as you both struggle, they are good.
5. Stay away from immoral people – They will do anything. They have
   no moral compass. Proverbs 2:16-19 says 16To deliver thee from the
   strange woman, even from the stranger which flattereth with her words;
   17Which forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of
   her God. 18For her house inclineth unto death, and her paths unto the
   dead. 19None that go unto her return again, neither take they hold of the
   paths of life.
6. Stay away from talebarriers - These are people that gossip too
   much. Proverbs 10:19 says 19In the multitude of words there wanteth
   not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.
7. Stay away from Liars – Proverbs
   14:5 says 5A faithful witness will not lie: but a false witness will
   utter lies. – These people just make up stuff. Sometimes these people make
   up lies simply to make themselves look good.
8. Stay away from the angry man – Proverbs 15:18 says 18A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but
   he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife. – These are the people that
   make you nervous to go out with them. They are always ready to fight. You
   have to tiptoe around this type which is unhealthy, because it is a fear
   based relationship. Any fear based relationship is unhealthy.
9. Stay away from the lazy people- Proverbs 10:5 says 5He that gathereth in summer is a wise son:
   but he that sleepeth in harvest is a son that causeth shame. – These are
   people that just sit around trifling and have no regard for deadlines or schedules.
   This laziness is a spirit and it
   is contagious. Ex-”I am going to clean my house”.
   Second Person: “I’m just going to chill”. Before long, you come over and
   hang out with them and you end up doing what they do.
10. Stay away from Drunkards- We all have people who drink, but this type
    of person loses control every time
    they drink. We will always be in an unhealthy relationship with this
    person, because we never know who is going to show up.  These people put us in jeopardy, because
    we don’t know what they will do or say.
11. Stay
    away from fools -Psalm 14:1
    says 1The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt,
    they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.- Fools are
    just fools.

For some of us, this list names just about
everyone we know.

Types of friends

1. The company that we will keep can have an adverse affect on us. 1 Corinthians 15:43 says 43It is
   sown in dishonour; it is raised in glory: it is sown in weakness; it is
   raised in power: – This means we need to be strategic about who we will
   allow to be our friends.
2. Friendship is really a matter of trust.
3. Types of friends:
1. Acquaintances – These are people that we know by
   name, we talk to them when then opportunity arises, but our interaction
   is very limited. We don’t go out of our way to talk to them, but when we
   encounter them, we speak. Some
   people are only meant to be acquaintances in your life. These are also
   referred to as associates.
2. Friends-These are people whom we voluntarily
   negotiated a personal relationship with. These are people that we look to
   have similar values, beliefs, attitudes, and values. This is something we
   intentionally invest into.

Friend Expectations

1. We expect them to be positive- We want to
   be able to enjoy their company.
2. They must be assuring- In other words, we
   trust each other.
3. We share openness -  We share our feelings with each other

Intimate Friendships (Your inner circle)

1. These are people that have another level of trust and commitment
   with you. These are people that you confide in.  You ought not to feel guilty about
   having this, because Jesus even had an inner
   circle.
2. These are people that you will have very few of in a lifetime. In
   fact if you get 3 in a lifetime, you are doing well.  Jesus only had 3 (Peter, James, and
   John) in his inner circle.

Mentoring Friendships

1. There are 3 types of Christian
   Friendships
1. Mentor Friendship – These are relationships whereby we teach,
   we council, we disciple, and we are the ones who literally pour into
   other people. Our role in this person’s life is hierarchal. We understand as a mentor that there is something
   that God wants us to pour into someone. Some friendships will be this
   way. There is something in you that God wants you to impart into the other person.
2. Mentee Friendship – You are the person that is receiving. Now
   you are in a position where you know God has put you into a person’s life
   to get everything out of them you can as it relates to wisdom.
3. Mutual Friendships – Not
   based on mentoring. They are situations where two individuals are aligned
   spiritually and emotionally and intellectually. They recognize the
   relationship is not unilateral or one way. Instead it flows both ways. One of the biggest
   frustrations you can have is when you are in a unilateral friendship. By this we mean that we pour out and
   no one pours back into us. We have the understanding that this thing
   requires mutual investment. 
2. Try this. Take the top 10 people that you
   check on in a month and don’t check on them for two weeks and see who
   checks on you. Your feelings will really be hurt by these results. This
   will give you an indication of what relationships you are in. Ex- Bishop explains that some of
   the closest relationships that he is in, he doesn’t call them every day.
   Though he doesn’t call them every day, but when they talk, they catch up.
   They pick up where they left off.
   Anyone that is real needy won’t understand this. You can’t be a needy
   person in a relationship. If you are, this might indicate that you are
   using the relationship for something that God didn’t intend. The
   motivation by which you are in this relationship can be considered
   unhealthy.

The difference between friends and associates

1. Do you know the difference between friends and associates?
2. Should your mate be your friend first?
3. Do you know how to make and keep a good friend?
4. If you are young, should parents choose your friends?
5. Are you with friends right now for a good reason?
6. Are you friend worthy?

5 characteristics of a healthy friendship

1. Friends love sacrificially- John
   15:13 says ¹³Greater
   love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. –
   Jesus was our example. He loved sacrificially, selflessly, and he
   demonstrated his love by laying down his life on the cross. If you choose
   to be in a friendship, you must understand that part of your investment is
   to give selflessly and sacrificially
   to the friendship without expectation.
2. Friends give without expecting in return
   – The Lord gave to us without expecting. He said he would love us until we
   learned how to love him back. His love is not contingent on how we love
   him. As a result, we have to realize that our contribution to the
   friendship must be selfless.  It
   doesn’t always revolve around us. We might have to sacrifice things for
   the sake of the friendship. Ex- Sometimes
   on Saturday, while putting the icing on the sermon (though it is done way
   before Saturday), a friend may call in need and Bishop is forced to make a
   decision. Sometimes, he has to sacrifice and stay up a little longer for
   the sake of the friend, because the friend needs you.  What are you willing to sacrifice for
   the friendship? Philippians 2:3 says ³Let
   nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let
   each esteem other better than themselves. – Consider the other
   person.  Value your friends’ needs
   above your own.  If you are the only
   one sacrificing, this is not a healthy Christian Friendship.
3. Friends love unconditionally –Proverbs
   17:17 says ¹⁷A
   friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. –
   A true friend is not a person that just loves me when I am mountain or
   when all is well in my life. A true friend will love us when we are at rock bottom too.  We can’t tell who our real friend is
   when we got a lot of money, because rats come out when there is a lot of cheese around.  If you want to know who your real
   friends are, hit rock bottom or lose your job. Let stuff happen and see
   how they respond. When things go bad, you will find out who your friends
   really are, because they will love you unconditionally.  Some of us throw people away when people
   mess up, because we have a difficult time accepting ourselves. Ex
   - There is a probably a psychological construct for this, when a
   person has a person conversation with
   themselves about themselves.  For
   example we might say, “What is wrong with me” and no one is in the house
   but you. What is going on is you are making yourself sick and you are
   telling yourself about. The way you love yourself, is the same way which
   you have to love your friend, because we love our neighbor as our self.  God sends people into our lives, prior
   to adversity without us being aware why they are there. The truth is, they
   were born for the adversity that we are about to go through.  We have a tendency to push these people
   away, because we don’t understand why they are there.  They might not fit the pedigree that your
   other friends have, but these are the people that truly pray for you.  It is this person born for your
   adversity that will stay and pray for you while everyone else goes the
   other way.
4. Friends trust completely –Proverbs
   18:24: says ²⁴A
   man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend
   that sticketh closer than a brother. – Trust is something that has
   to be earned. It takes time to come to place of trust. Ex- Bishop explains that when he was in his early twenties, he used to
   give everyone he met a 100%.
   And then he would allow their actions to deduct from that 100%. He had
   expectations of 100% on people and he would end up hurt, because of unmet expectations. Now he starts
   everyone a 0% and allows them to earn the expectation. This avoids disappointment
   from unmet expectation. Trust has to be earned. As relationship grows, confidence is added. Can you be
   trusted? What do you do with Juicy information? Some of us have a big
   mouth and tell everything we know.
5. Keep healthy boundaries -  1 Corinthians 13:4
   says  ⁴Charity suffereth long, and
   is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed
   up, – Boundaries are so important. If you are not careful, people
   can break boundaries.  Friends can
   come between spouse, children. You can be in the mall and people who know
   you can come up to you and speak to you while acting like your spouse is
   invisible. Another example is people calling your house late at night. You have to have
   certain boundaries.  Space is a good sign for a healthy relationship.  Ex-
   Bishop explains that when he was young, he used to go out in the
   country to his Granma’s house. There was a fence with a gate, a big front
   yard, a porch, a screen door, and a door. Some friends would come to gate
   and Grandma would say go where they are at. He knew that it was implied
   not to open the gate. Some people would come and she would say come on in
   and then tell them to go to field and play. She didn’t want them on the
   porch. There were others that she allowed to sit on the porch with us.
   There were others that were like family that were allowed in and out of
   the house and they were allowed to eat with them. This is a revelation of
   how we should appropriate friends in our life. Some people should be allowed
   just outside the gate. Jesus had
   3 into the garden with him while he prayed and he left 8 at the gate. We
   have a problem of letting gate people in
   the house.  Boundaries are
   important. We must have boundaries.
   Don’t let people violate your boundaries. Set boundaries for your
   friendships.
6. Friends give mutual edifications – Proverbs
   27:6 says ⁶Faithful
   are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. –
   If a friend tells you something that cuts you, you can trust that, because
   it is real stuff. We need people in our life that can keep it 100, even if
   it makes us bleed. How do we tell people something they don’t want to
   hear?  We have to say something
   like, “I realize that what I have to say, may jeopardize our relationship,
   but I am so committed to our relationship that I am willing to put our
   relationship in jeopardy even if you might talk to me for month… ” It is
   important that we be who we said we were going to be in their life. We are
   willing to accept any response back given, but we must remain responsible
   and be who I said I was going to be in this relationship. If your friend
   is wearing something that they shouldn’t wear, we should be able to tell
   them this out of love. There are people that told us things that stung and
   mad us upset, but we are glad that they told us.  We rather someone tell us the truth now
   and be upset, than being hurt later and saying “you should have told me.”

Note: One thing we need to know is we are breaking boundaries on Facebook
and Twitter. We put too much of our personal information out there, then we
wonder why people look at s like we are crazy. You got to be careful. It’s
about boundaries

Assignment…

1. Write down 3 things that you know you bring
   to friendships. This is not things money can buy. These are things money
   can’t buy. For example, “ I bring … because I am loyal or I am a good
   listener.
2. Write down 3 things people take for
   granted about you when they are in Friendship with you.
3. Next week we will discuss this assignment
   and how it is relative. Have a blessed day.